Here is something I realized when I was in the shower this morning:
1. I have to stop working for other people.
It is the cause of my misery. For the past few days, I've been trying to meet other people's deadlines, other people's word counts, other people's topic requests, and even other people's writing styles!!!!!!
WHY?
I left my old job because people were making rules that didn't matter. Had nothing to do with health care. Had nothing to do with caring about the people who were coming to them for aid. Arbitrary rules made by committees whose only thoughts were about saving money, making money, and taking money away from others.
It's the same with the marine field. I think I may have pissed off a guy I was doing a wiring job with because I refused to use non-captive spade terminals. "You're going to have to learn how to do things in the real world, Aiona." And, I still used ring terminals anyway, but my point is!
I am not someone who can work for someone else.
While I holed myself up in my office for the past week-and-a-half, my poor husband was left watching the three kids. I could tell he was going crazy, because by the end of the day, even having my headphones on to listen to my playlist wasn't blocking out the noises from him screaming.
Trying to write to others' specifications only caused
1. Me to write and revise pieces that I don't like to write and I don't feel comfortable having people read. (https://www.wattpad.com/myworks/252452162-choice-words)
2. Made me not go sailing...... that's criminal right there!
3. Kept me from going outside with the babies during sunny weather! ALSO CRIMINAL!
4. Made me waste heater-time in the office.
And worst of all, it made someone else occupy my head space. It's like mental prostitution.
I'm not going to do that anymore.
Okay. Rant over.
***
Do Not Worry.
25 Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?
28 And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you -- you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, "What shall we eat?" or "What shall we drink?" or "What shall we wear?" 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
Matthew 6:25-34 (NIV)
(from https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew%206%3A25-34&version=NIV)