The answer is obvious. You break it. You break it and glows and it’s fun for all ages. You are a glow stick and right now you’re not glowing. You keep doing all the same things with no change. Crying at the end of the day wondering what you need to do to make whatever it is that’s wrong a little bit better. You need to be broken. Not physically obviously. Your habits need to be broken. You need to glow, my sweet friend.
It’s easier sad than don’t right?! I know. I 100% know. I know those days that feel like it’s never going to end. The ones where I am just begging God that you will change it all just to make it better. I once begged God to just take me. I had nothing to live for. This was back in my days of addiction before my abuser became a part of my life. I was a 24/7 drunk. I begged Him to take me because I had no foreseeable reason to be alive. My sons were slowly leaving my life. My dad was heart broken. My step mom had no idea how to help. So I prayed. I prayed hard every time I put a bottle to my mouth and did a line of coke. I would ask God why am I still here, I am useless.
God told me I wasn't useless. None of His children are. That even though my deadly journey with addiction wasn't over yet, I would soon see the purpose He has for me.
What do you do after you break your glow stick?
You glow. No one knows how bright your glow will be. Thats another thing so great about glow sticks. The more parts you break, the brighter you glow. You don't have to break all the parts in the beginning. As long as you know there is plenty of glow in your stick to make it through the darkness.
Another great thing about a glow stick is you can't put it back together. You cant make it unglow. Yes, the glow goes away when its a real glow stick. But the glow stick of life never stops glowing. The glow stick of love, never stops glowing. Your glow stick will never stop glowing!!!! It may seem like it gets dull. When it gets like that, you find your friends with glowsticks and they help you grow brighter. Just as you help them glow better. If we all glow together, we become unstoppable.
When I found my glow stick.
I am going to share a lot about me in this post. In future posts you will be able to read more.
One would think I would find my glowstick once I got sober and started a new life. I have almost 12 years of sobriety and I didn't find my glow until September 26, 2021. Before I get to the significance of that date, I am going to share my struggles with you.
Before I got sober, I was in an abusive relationship. I fought back and was able to kick him in the face. I got out of the house. The thing is, I was on a strict probation so I had to call my probation officer and inform him that I was at my dads and why. The next day I showed up for a drug and alcohol class drunk. My po showed up also. sober though. My eye was black and my whole being was broken. He informed me if I didn't file charges before he did, I would get another charge and would end up in prison. I WOULD GO TO PRISON FOR DEFENDING MYSELF!!!!
I filed charges first. But that's not when I got my glow. I actually went back to my abuser. I was court ordered to go to rehab. If I said no, I would go to prison for violation of probation. I made it to rehab. My plan as to complete rehab and get off probation. Go back to my abuser and drink. Being drunk was really the only life I knew for 18 years.
I met a man. He was just starting out in sobriety too. He was very good looking. He was going to be my play toy for weekend. But again, God had other plans. I got kicked out of rehab and found out i was pregnant. We moved into his mom's basement and when our daughter was 11 months old, we got married. We have now been together 12 years and have 3 kids. Still no glow stick. I did everything in life because it was supposed to be done. Not that I didn't enjoy it. I loved and still love my life. But I was just going through the motions. My husband and I were on the path to divorce. He was drinking off and on. Life was not fun. It is now. I love every part of my life. After the start of Covid, we home school. I get to raise our kids and show them the world as it should be seen and prepare them for the life of how the world is. From the start of my marriage to where I am now, I found my glow stick. It is not always bright, but I have it and I have women in my life where we all glow together.
So, here is the part when I found my glow stick. Before I found it, my husband took a leave of absence from work. Before he did that, life was no good. He found happiness working for himself. He was home with us and happy. Life was good. But we were still having issues and I wasn't sure what to do any more. Not issues in our marriage. Just life issues. I had fallen down a hill after an incident with a tree and some wires. I sprained my ankles pretty bad. I had gotten covid twice. The second time I got covid I had a miscarriage. Just crazy unhappy things in my life was happening. My husband was saying it was his fault. That God was mad at him for some of his actions and was using me as his punishment. I reached out to our pastor. He reached out to him. I reached out to all my close friends. They had all their glow sticks but I still couldn't find the light. I was still in the dark.
We had talked about getting baptized before all of this. I was finally ready. I needed help in life and doing this, giving all of me to God, was going to help me.
This a picture of my baptism. This is the day my glow stick was found and broke. Most days it glows bright. Other days its dim. But every day it glows. I still suffer with many disorders of the brain that make life hard. Sometimes I feel that I can do it better than God. He shows me I am not right in that thinking. I know my purpose in life. The life God promised me. My husband used to say that all the time. He was living the life God promised him. I didn't get it until now. This is the life I begged God to take from me before I even knew I would even have it. When my mother in law died on 2-22-22 life has been a bit upside down. Right now, we are dealing with my sons health issues with his stomach. Our youngest has a cold that comes with a horrendous cough that keeps me up at night. Last night I prayed God to take it from her. She still has it. But I didn't promise I would quit smoking if he would just make her better. She is still sick. But I have broken many promises to Him that its time I keep one. I am not even mad He didn't make my daughter better, because she will get healthy and I will always and still have trust in God.
I want to share my glow stick with you until yours is ready to shine or if you just need some added light.
God promised me that He had a purpose in my life for me. My purpose i you, my reader. My purpose is to show you all that I've been through because it is meant to help you. By heling you, I am helping me. So, let me share my glow stick with you. I am and will always be that trusted person, even if I am a stranger, that you can come too. we don't even ever have to talk. some point in this blog a post will reach out to you as if it was meant for you. Thats because it is. So, I thank you for helping me shine my light.