It was a weekend!
Friday started on shaky footing. Shaky and full of lies!!! I was actually up in time to do my Daily Practice, but I was completely uninspired about sharing it with anyone, so instead of letting people know that, I posted some lame story about sleeping in and not having any time to get to it. I was ashamed for feeling like I needed a bit of space to myself. Ashamed for feeling like I didn't have anything to share. And ashamed as I didn't feel like walking outside on a cold day at the end of a long week, after setting the intention to do just that. I was going to head outside in the evening but that didn't happen either. Friday was a day of fatigue and 'failure,' and instead of owning up to it I tried to cover my tracks. I knew full well what was happening. God/Spirit/The Universe knew. But I felt I couldn't let YOU know. Shame. This thing that I said WASN'T a challenge definitely seemed to be one, in my mind. But I also recalled that the reason I was Getting Outside was to feel better. To feel connected. To feel present. Maybe to get a bit of movement but that was a secondary goal. I wanted to feel GOOD about getting outside, and I realize there should be no shame on the days where you feel those good intentions will lead you somewhere you'd rather not be.
Saturday was a much better day for getting outside. Had a beautiful, chilly walk down the lake, and got to enjoy some outdoor time in the evening with a friend as well, under the stars. It actually felt warmer later in the day, once the sun lay down to rest and the breeze had backed off. Breathing deeply the scent of wood smoke from a fire, stars glistening in the tapestry of the heavens. A beautiful night to be out of doors.
Sunday, The Hike. The Snowshoe. The Slog. I set out in an area that I'm becoming more and more familiar with. Unmarked trails on what I believe is crown land, but I'm always nervous about running into someone back there who might tell me differently. So when I saw a person ice fishing on the little pond that I was going to cross to get my journey started, I immediately changed my trajectory and started off through the deep snow and into the forest along the shores. I took about 5 steps and realized that my snowshoes were not going to be as much help as I hoped, and reconsidered my heading. I thought about actually having to interact with said stranger I had spotted. Suddenly, trudging through the deep snow didn't seem so bad and it certainly set the bar for the rest of the walk. The 'norm' was to be up to my mid calf in snow, the blessings came when I found a hard packed rogue snowmobile track or a wide open expanse of lake, thawed and frozen and windblown into a hard supportive crust. This was the day I stopped for a wee fire, and was reminded of the drawbacks to live, online videos from the depths of the forest with poor data connectivity. But the fire was nice, and I stoked it and sat for another few minutes after my little broadcast had ended. Just soaking in the sun, and the sights, and the smells of the cedars all around me. I was a tired girl to begin with and even more tired at the end. But of course, I'm always up for adventure and when I saw a relatively "clear" path to the top of a hill I hadn't climbed before, I left my packed snowmobile trail and headed on up, through drifts that were even deeper than what I had experienced so far. Halfway to the top I really wondered what the hell I must have been thinking. This hill will be here next time.
But I want to see it now! I thought. Now, in this sunshine, and the snow all around. I will never have another view quite like today so I'd better get up there! And the closer I got to the 'peak', the farther away it seemed to be, with a better view 'just a little farther up.' And when I finally did reach my summit, the view was not as spectacular as I had imagined. I looked across the lake to another hill I've stood atop and reflected, all that work I had just completed to get to this space, and I'm not happy with it! I laughed at my judgmental self for a few moments and took the faster route to a hard packed surface, and headed down the opposite slope, back towards the lake. And as I slid through the melting snow on the south face, I noticed a distinct little plant poking its way through the snow. Blueberries!!! So all that work I did was not for me in that moment...it was for future me and potentially full baskets come summer. My fatigue and mild disappointment transformed into gratitude for the berries I hoped would be filling my belly in a few months time.
And then suddenly it was Monday! Monday's time outside would be on skis as I headed down the lake, toying with the idea of heading right to the end for a full 20km excursion to shores unknown to me. But alas, this wasn't the year. I got about 5k down the lake, into the wind, and felt like that was enough. I may not get another chance to cruise down the lake this year but there will be next year. Perhaps with a bit more skiing under my belt, making a 20km excursion not such a feat.
And so today, a short walk on the lake before heading into work. It was a beautiful day, and I'm so happy I got out for some sunshine when I did.
All in all, these days outside have been beneficial for my mental and physical health. Today I was considering running!!! It's almost toe shoe time. Perhaps April will be a "learn to run" month.
Anyhow thanks for following me on this journey. I appreciate your presence!