Alone.

What would you do if you end up alone? And I don’t mean left by your friends or family – I mean completely alone. When there is absolutely no one to turn to, no one to ask for help, no one to talk to.

What would you do then?

I used to know a couple of people who couldn’t stand even the thought of being alone. They always searched for company –whether it was human or animal. At times they didn’t even need to speak to someone – they just needed to feel someone by their side.

I also used to think I was like them. Now, after two years of being all alone I do not think so any more. But, nevertheless, I am writing this story – maybe just for the sake of the story itself, or, perhaps, just to ease my solitude a little. Maybe someday someone actually turns up and sees this diary to find out what I went through.

But let me start at the very beginning.

My name is Alana.

When the world was full of people I was just another human, caught up in the wonders of a city life that meant the usual: an apartment of my own, a job, some friends I had to hang out with and, of course, family.

My family was everything a kid could ever wish for – my parents supported me whenever I needed, they helped me and cared for me all my life, and I really love them for all they have done to raise me a good person and a strong young woman.

I still think that if not for their help in my younger years, I might have been dead already.

My life – as I thought then – was full of joy and rich with adventure, because my friends always found time to drag me into some snowboarding during winter, dancing or camping trips in summer. Those trips helped me get through a lot of bad things that happened in my life – I know everyone has his or her ups and downs, but my friends were always there to cheer me up and take my mind off anything that’s been bothering me. I guess our small company of five was a second family to me.

And even though my life – like any other life – had its stumbles, I was, in fact, was quite fortunate. I had a roof over my head, food to eat, I was absolutely healthy and had all my limbs intact, I had my family and my friends.

But all that I knew… disappeared in an instant.

You know, if it were some natural disaster or terrorist attack, you just might see it coming, might predict what could happen, but not this. Never something like this.

Because one day I woke up and found myself completely alone.

That day I didn’t hear the alarm on my cell and overslept for work. So when I opened my eyes, I realized that the sun was too high up to be early morning and rushed to the telephone to call up my boss to tell him I’ve been stroke with bad luck with a failed cell phone and will be late. But no one answered. The line was working, but no one was picking up the phone – the office didn’t even have the usual answering machine switched on as it was usually if the line was busy or the office was closed down for some reason.

I was troubled, but quickly gathered my things and dressed up for work, having a quick raspberry jam sandwich on the way down from my apartment.

But when I came out to the street, the first thing I did was lose grip of the left over sandwich and freeze.

The street was totally abandoned. And I really mean empty – cars were standing as if left by their owners just a minute ago, there weren’t any people at all and even the usual dogs and cats were gone.

Only then I realized how silent the city was – not a voice, not a bark, not a siren… nothing. And that silence was overwhelming.

I was too shocked to think of something better than cry out for anyone to answer. But no one answered.

I was scared. No, I was terrified, and ran back to my apartment and locked myself in behind a nice sturdy door I could always trust to keep me safe from anyone I didn’t want inside my home.

At first I didn’t even understand what was happening – and even thought that, maybe, I was still sleeping. But after I pinched myself a couple of times – that could definitely be ruled out of the possibility. The first thing I did after that was call my parents, but there was no answer – not at home, nor on their cell phones. My friends didn’t pick up their phones as well. At that time panic started gathering in my guts.

So I walked up to the window and looked out to the street, trying to get a glimpse of anyone who might be able to tell me what happened.

That day I spent by the window with thousands of thoughts going through my head. And for hours I saw no one on the deserted street.

I tried one assumption after another, but nothing seemed to fit the possibility of what became of all the people.

Terrorist attacks? War? Not a single shot was fired, and no signs of anything like a bomb attack or even the use of a biological weapon… There were no bodies – not a single corpse was on the street, so that pretty much meant that it wasn’t from anything like an attack, even by the terrorists.

Evacuation? But then why didn’t she hear anything – in such a case panic amongst the population would have been heard, especially when it comes to families with little children. I couldn’t have been that deeply asleep!

Then a more fantastic thought came to mind – perhaps, it was one of those zombie apocalypses I’ve loved to watch in the movies?! But yet again – where were all the corpses? And where are the undead? Shouldn’t they be walking around the city in search for someone to eat?

Aliens? But the sky was crystal clear, with the sun shining and a few clouds floating over the city.

The sight of an empty and silent city was too creepy to make myself go out to find someone, anyone… So I crawled into my bed and spent the rest of the day thinking.

From time to time I tried calling my family and my friends, but the result was absolutely the same – no one picked up the phone.

I became worried and sick from the thought that something happened to all the people I ever loved, and that kept me up all through the night. The dawn of the new day greeted me with the very same silence – overwhelming and heavy, and since I saw no other choice but to go out and try and find anyone who might be able to tell me what happened, I dressed up in the most comfortable clothes I had, took a backpack and went out.

Most of the places I passed by looked like they were abandoned – shops were open, but no one was inside and no signs of marauders or break-ins.

I decided that I could use some food reserves – at least for the day I wanted to search for any survivors, so I walked into one of the stores and helped myself to some canned food, fresh bread, cheese and ham, and a couple of beverages. On my way out I left a note on the counter with the taken things and enough money to cover the taken.

For the next few hours I walked block after block, checking all available buildings, but found no one. Eventually I reached the park and sat on a bench to try and gather my thoughts again. Only then I noticed that the birds were gone as well – even those that usually stuck to the pond, where people fed them with breadcrumbs every day.

I got myself thinking if I could have died and ended up in Hell, but I couldn’t find any reason to be there. I was always a good person – reliable, kind and supportive. I never stole anything, didn’t kill anyone, nothing of that which could cause me to be brought down to it. Unless, of course, everyone after death goes to a place like this, this possibility was as impossible as any other I thought of before.

The only thought that stayed in my head for a long time – is the possibility that I didn’t exactly die, but went into a coma while I was asleep. Maybe, I had to find my way out of the city to get out of it?

And yet again – I did feel pain (I pinched myself again) and I also felt hunger, and that was very unusual – shouldn’t people be feeling something like that of when they sleep, when they’re in a coma?

It was too much for me to process, so I took some time off things and had a snack. It didn’t make me feel better, but it gave me some sense of reality. I tasted food and instead of thinking – I just enjoyed my simple meal.

After I finished, I continued my way, but found myself too far from my apartment when the night started creeping in. I looked for a place to stay, and fortunately for me – I saw a small, but tidy hotel, and went in. I took the first set of keys I found and went into the room.

It was strange walking by countless doors is sheer silence, hearing and seeing no one, when this place usually had at least some people in it. But there were no guests, no managers, no cleaning ladies – the building was – like any other – completely empty.

I had my supper in the room in front of the television – checking the channels for broadcast, but every single one was showing no signal whatsoever.

Before I went to sleep I thought of how long would it take for the city’s electrical system to fail without maintenance. And when I finally drowsed off – I started seeing nightmares.

I dreamt of the buildings collapsing and blowing up around me – somewhere the gas exploded, somewhere the electric wiring gave out and started a fire… and there wasn’t a living soul to help me. And as I tried to find cover, I ended up trapped in a burning house.

When I woke up it was still night and I was shaking so hard that I needed a warm shower before I could return to bed. But I couldn’t sleep any more. So I gathered my courage and went out. I thought that maybe at night I would have more luck finding someone.

It took me some time to find a flashlight in the hotel and some spare batteries, before I could really step out of the building into the street. Street-lights still worked, but I needed the flashlight anyway – because as in any other city – mine had some places street lamps didn’t reach.

As I walked on I couldn’t stop thinking of the countless horror movies I used to like watching late at night to stir up my nerves and feel excitement. They didn’t seem so funny now. Not funny at all.

But even in the cool air of the night – there were no sounds and no signs of people or animals. Even the night insects were silent.

Fear came and was driven away, but eventually I broke down and ran into a well-lit hall of a shopping mall. There I ran through the countless lines of boutiques and shops and ended up curled up in some corner, weeping.

I must have spent the rest of the night in there, because when I woke up from this panic attack, it was already morning. I was so cold, that I took a sweater from one of the shelves and forgot to leave money for it. Somehow I didn’t care anymore.

It was only the second morning of me being alone, when I was already questioning my sanity and ability to reason. But hey – wouldn’t you break at such circumstances?

I took the long road back home, still searching for people, and screaming for help until my voice gave out. Still finding nothing, I returned to my apartment, and lost myself to searching if the internet and cell phones were working. I tried every person on my phonebook – but there was no answer. The internet was seeming to be okay, but all the social media froze – totally – and the last posts dated two days ago.

I thought I could just gather some food and close myself in my apartment, searching the web for people online, so the rest of the day I went back and forth to the shops nearby. I have to admit – I gathered most of the fresh products and the lavish ones to treat myself (something I couldn’t really afford before) and by evening I found my kitchen overrun by boxes with different kinds of food that might end up in the trash can before I could eat it all up.

I felt the need to drink, but found that my home only had a little bottle of tequila left, but it was almost empty. So my last run to the store got me a whole cart of fine alcohol that I could drown myself in.

I think that night was the first time I got myself completely wasted for the first time. I never drank that much and that long.

It wasn’t a surprise that I woke up lying in my bathtub, cold as hell and feeling worse than ever.

That morning I promised myself never to drink again (Liar!).

That day I spent watching calming cartoons and comedies (which didn’t make me feel better anyway), and drinking soda.

The next morning I found myself feeling much better and more determined to find someone. I gathered my backpack again and left my apartment, feeling quite optimistic.

But yet again I had no luck in finding people. Not alive, nor dead.

For two weeks I spent my days whirled up in a consistent and unstoppable search, until I realized there was no point in walking around the city. It took too long to go to and from places, and when I went too far – I always ended up in search for a place to spend the night. It was good that there were some unlocked apartments and buildings I could sleep in. But eventually I got myself a car from one of those that stood on the street unattended.

But even having a transport (which made a lot of noise in the silence of the dead city) I couldn’t find anyone. That was the point when I broke down again and started feeling depressed and too lonely to cope that I could actually be – literally – the last human to be alive.

My web surfing always left me with nothing – social media froze on the date I woke up, and no one was online, so that helped my depression to settle in.

By that time I took a bottle of alcohol with me wherever I went, and soon crashed the car into one of the lamp posts. This left me unharmed (except for my dignity), but without a ride – until, of course, I could get into another one. But even though I wasn’t driving very fast, I still became scared of crashing again. So I threw away all alcohol (at least for a time), and for the next week drove around sober.

But still – not a single person, nothing.

I have to say I pretty much searched the whole city, and, finding no other way – decided it was time to try and move out to the outskirts. But the most trouble was – some of the roads were blocked by countless amounts of abandoned cars.

It was then that the servers of most websites started to fail, and soon the internet crashed to a very poor state.

Fear came back, but with it – some sense of hope that I might be able to live my life somewhere outside of the city. Fresh food was long gone, and I wished there were some vegetables on my table, instead of canned food.

So I decided to take my chances and move out.

I got a nice truck and for some time gathered all the things I might need on my way to, and by the end of my destination (which I didn’t even know).

Now… I have enough of everything, and I’m moving out. Whoever finds this – know that you are not alone. I will be settling on a small farm, called “Golden Heights”, which is located south of the city (I remember my visit there – it should have everything I need to grow some fruits and vegetables) until spring. I will be coming to visit the city every once in a while to see if anyone has come, and to fill my supplies.

Please feel free to join me – I have enough food and water and I can be a very good company. Please. I am so tired of being alone. Find me.