I was listening to a podcast (Table for five no reservations) with one of Diverse Talk Podcast guest, Tabitha Cabrera; this week while I was finishing up some big projects around the house.

In the second episode, the podcasters were discussing some of the experiences they had with unsolicited advice from our health care providers, families and the public. It really puts the pressure on us all who will no doubt face our own set of trails with our kiddos as it's known. Thing's get more complex with disabled kid's and it's coming from a Neurodivergent Bipoc mother, who would hear the many stories of my toddler ages and the tears shed by my own mother at a loss of where to turn to for the constant stimulation I seeked through the home and how quickly I was misunderstood in daycares, later on in public schools and by family and friends. There were fears and discouraging moments from what my mother explained. She would constantly hear that I am just a bad kid or that she wasn't doing enough 

I am a parent and have been since I was 16. I am now 31(I think). I struggled and have known loss. One of my biggest fears having my first child was that I would be horrible at it because I believed I was a horrible person to be around and that I could never reach any kind of potential since I didn't graduate, go to college, have two cars, one house and live out of State (how imagined my life since elementary). 

The ideas of what I assumed parenting would be were pretty close and it involved healing of something I thought I'd never have with my own mother. I assume my mother imagined some kind of life that involved college and being my own women. A life that turned far away from the trauma, loss, and confusion she had to endure all her life. I can't pretend to know what my kid's will want for themselves and I have no ideas of promoting the same things I wanted for myself. All I know is I have an understanding of what my mother didn't before. There are people dismantling so many stigmas and it gets stronger and stronger each year and I am truly grateful that my mother & I, are here to see it now. 

I spent sometime this week in the morning letting my last infant(Ethan) roll around, sing, grab onto me as we were signing. I have learned that kid's are fragile & resilient beings. My fears of ruining my kid's are diminishing every day. We will have so many critics along the way and we have been discriminated and under minded against for our disablities, skin color,  income, education but at times the unsolicited advice I fight to ignore is my own self doubts. 

With each moment I am able to be in a relationship with my mother and call her, there is a moment where I am content in knowing we are resilient people together and united. With those tribes we build, believe that when you catch your kid's turned slightly away grinning and just laying with you, you are being just enough. 

Moments this week by

Angie Elena