Are you carrying Father Wounds?
I’ve known for a number of years now that part of my lack of self-worth and self-love came from unresolved emotions relating to feeling rejected and abandoned by my biological father. These feelings and emotions ran pretty deep but it wasn’t until today, while journaling that Father Wounds came through.
Father Wounds are linked to our relationship (or lack of) with our fathers/father figures. They are linked to how we see ourselves, our worth, our value and even our bodies.
I grew up believing that there was something deeply wrong with me. My biological father had no contact with me at all. Here was the first man who is meant to be in my life, to guide me, to show me love, and he wanted nothing to do with me. Now, as an adult who’s done a lot of healing, I understand there were deeper issues at play all those years ago. However, as a child, and a teen, all I knew was that my biological father rejected me because I was a girl and the love of my step-father was conditional upon me doing and being what he expected.
In a moment of clarity I now see how much of my life has been dictated by a story and belief that:
There’s something fundamentally wrong with me
I am not loveable
I am not worthy of love
I don’t look the ‘right’ way
I’m not good enough
Of course, none of this is true. I see that. I see that the rejection I felt was not about me but the situation back then. I see that I am deserving and worthy of love in all it’s forms and that it shouldn’t be conditional. I see now that it has nothing to do with looks and everything to do with my beliefs.
What’s interesting as a whole is what came through today, not just about my own wounds but Father Wounds in general.
They are linked in a way to witch wounds. As women, we have the wound of being hurt by those we love. We have been accused as witches by our fathers, husbands, brothers and sons.
We have been told, generation by generation, what we should tolerate. Our roles as healers and midwives were stripped away and taken over by those very men we trusted. The realm of childbirth became the realm of men deciding what would and should happen. We are told what is and isn’t attractive to men and if we don’t fit that definition, then we are not worthy of love and attention.
Our fathers are meant to teach us love. To show us that we are worthy of being loved. That we are beautiful and deserving but this isn’t always the case. Father Wounds leave us believing lies about ourselves and leave us accepting relationships and situations that put us in harm's way because we don’t think we are worthy of anything else.
This isn’t a feminism statement and a man-bashing piece. I am fully aware that there are some amazing men out there who love and honour women. Who teach their daughters love, and show them they are worthy of the best. Who raise strong, independent daughters, that they are proud of no matter what. I am grateful to those men for the women they are raising and they themselves should be honoured.
Sadly, I am not one of those women, raised by that type of man. And I have come to realise this wound is one I have carried my whole life. I have allowed the story of rejection to cloud all areas of my life, including how I feel about myself and my body, and what I am willing to tolerate because I have felt I didn’t deserve any better.
This is one of those significant moments of healing. And as I heal it, it will be powerful but it got me thinking…
Are you also carrying Father Wounds?
Have you created a life based on a belief about yourself and who you are that isn’t true?
Is your worth tied in some way to your relationship (or lack of relationship) with your father?
And if so, how does your Father Wound show up for you?