Will Park
10 supporters
Expectation Vs. Reality

Expectation Vs. Reality

Jan 15, 2022

1/14:

So here is where I fucked up in the realm of expectations versus reality.

I had this expectation that I would be coming out here, shooting this live stream, and making money for the gig for 5 straight days of shooting. The live stream went great! There were lots of pleased attendees in the virtual chat. Now the realization hits me when I mention that I came out here because there was coin on the table. My impression was that I would be getting paid for this work upon finishing. Alas the money that went into the Live Stream was not intended to pay me... the money that comes from some eventual kickstarter is where that is coming from. And of course now that I'm not the one editing the footage, then the payment is cut in half (which I get it... the full payment was to shoot and edit). Still then nothing pays out unless people pay out for the kickstarter.... It seems all I can hope for now is that they edit it quickly and get that going. At this rate I may not make it back to Florida just yet. I'm not really sure where I'll be able to get besides back to Phoenix because that flight is already paid for. Now I don't know.... I'm feeling quite lost. I put too much riding on this gig to payout in order for me to get where I wanted to be. So do I gamble and try to make it back across the states? Do I take up my newly acquainted friend Wez and pick him up to split costs on the journey back to FL? Right now that seems to be the logical thing to do. Even though we just met during this event. All I know is that he lives in Clearwater and has a very sincere and generous personality that feels easy to connect with.

I think once I get to Phoenix I'll need to figure out if that's the best move and whether or not I can land a job by the time I return to Florida. Or do I just stay in Chandler with my family and look work there to afford a trip to get myself back to Florida?

I feel betrayed in a sense, but really it was only yy my own hands that this happened. I let myself remain hopeful that this was the right thing to do, coming out here and running this event, for what feels like nothing now. For putting too much on something that wasn't in print.

Really I just feel foolish. I screwed myself over here this time and I'm about at the end of my financial rope that I set off on. Feeling stressed, frustrated, anxious, and almost ill as I scramble to figure out my next moves. The reality is I have a lot to adjust within myself now. Everything I perceive is twisted within me and whirling about in my head. I feel it will be a miracle if I get to sleep tonight.

Enjoy this post?

Buy Will Park a book

More from Will Park