Photo by mohamed abdelghaffar
Growing up it was really confusing when my strict Cuban mother would tell me not to cry for something that clearly was emotional for a child. Like losing a valuable item (toy or rock), pets or even a sad T.V show scene; all responsible for my emotional growth. This also applied to the moments when I was physically beaten with a belt or slipper and was told “You better not cry”. Umm ma’am this request sounds a little off when my skin is burning (therapy and reiki helps me laugh now).
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What is emotional intelligence? Basically it is the ability to be fully aware of our emotions, what triggers them and how to respond to them with a caring gesture. Many of us grew up with emotionally undeveloped parents/guardians, a history of traumatic events or mis-education on how to balance our emotions.
These events would later shape me to become an insensitive person to my own feelings with emotions few people witness (nothing made me cry). I also have to mention that my Gemini moon in astrology held some secrets I later discovered about my emotions. As well as mother daughter relationship (that's for another blog). Somehow by age 15 this made me a great listener and a tool for others to process their emotions. Since I was not taking care of myself, I had time for other people's emotional instabilities. This was through my work experiences as a camp counselor, geriatrics social coworker, tutor and wellness coaching to name a few. That is until the emotional box reached its capacity around 2018, my body created its own detox on my Birthday. I was emotionally paralyzed anxiety, depression and coping with another year of life.
School also left this subject behind, because of this I have been guiding teens back to monitoring their feelings (many have anxiety and don't know why). Nonetheless I was able to use several tools which I will mention in this blog post that assisted in creating the daily routine to engage with my emotions and others. This obviously came with practice (4 years later…). Becoming aware of our emotions to avoid unnecessary challenges and finger pointing is the goal here (it was not easy while my mother was alive, but we shifted together).
Photo by Keira Burton
Acknowledge your emotions
We may have normalized the habits of our parents/guardians ignoring how we feel. Or simply to avoid an argument we tend to allow others to validate our feelings. Begin to name your emotions, you can say to yourself “ I feel….” This way you can associate the feeling behind it.
Befriend your emotions
This is not a time to leave yourself behind anymore, when we actually support how we are feeling but taking time to recognize what we are feeling makes it easier to know what can stabilize us in the moment. This also gives others around us a way to support us as well, build new vocabulary terms around your emotions for ease of access. Especially the negative ones, they provide so much insight towards our journey.
Right that SH*T down
This one may be difficult for anyone who has trauma around journaling/diary. The ability to write how you think and feel while fearing someone will read it seems quite challenging. I suggest keeping a small notebook at work, in your purse/bookbag or a shoe box. It is important to innerstand that your emotions are real and deserve to be processed. Imagine 10 or 15 years of suppressed emotions, where do they go? We have to let them out.
Observe how frequently you feel a certain emotion
The best part of this entire process, which will allow us to recognize the negative and positive patterns that rule our everyday lives. Being able to notice who we are with, where we are at and what we are doing in that very moment is the key. Many times we reach a level of anger and mistrust that we tend to blame it on the current situation. When in all reality it was a trigger for what was already stored deep inside poking at the surface.
To sum it up, being able to pinpoint the patterns allow us to rewire the way we manage and balance our emotional wellbeing. Inviting others to do the same as they watch us take action with how we respond instead of reacting to a trigger.
Photo by Julia Larson
Ready to an unbreakable unique self care routine in 90 days? Let's jump-start the journey towards self awareness by sending me an email to [email protected].
With Love & Cuban Spice-
Miledys Pons
Intuitive Spirit Shifter
Galactic Hoodbuddha LLC
https://solo.to/galactichoodbuddha
707-239-6734
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