I was a jealous person in my mid-20s. I was jealous of people my age who seemingly could grow up and navigate through life fluidly and effortlessly.
I was never a jealous kid. Early on, I recognized that I could never be somebody else or have their things, so why be jealous of that? It’s like choosing an emotion that hurts when you don’t have to feel that way.
The same applied as an adult watching people grow up while I stayed stuck. I was jealous of people who could live their life without mental illness and addiction.
This was a period of “why me” and “poor me.” Why did others get to have an early life that didn’t create the mental illness and addictions that were plaguing me?
I was embarrassed by who I was. The pain attached to that embarrassment gave me something else to suppress and another reason to use more drugs and alcohol. Nothing hurt worse than running into an old friend who had accomplished things in life, and then when they asked me what was new, I never had an answer.
Nothing was new. Nothing ever was. Life was about working to pay bills and buy whatever could kill my pain. I was a heavy drinker. I was either working or drinking or both if I had the right kind of job.
At one point during the party days, we were able to mask her insecurities and our suffering from early trauma by mixing with the crowd celebrating and partying with joy in anticipation of future success.
Eventually, those people and peers made some changes, made some decisions and went to work and bettered themselves. I stayed stuck. A big part of staying stuck was me see myself as a victim.
“They didn’t have it as hard as me,” was what I would tell myself. “If they only knew what I had to go through.”
I was always looking for something outside of myself to save myself.
It was my own beliefs that created the pains of jealousy and created the pain of victimhood. This lack of awareness kept me stuck for so long until I began healing.
It was when I realized that only myself and my choice, my decisions and my actions were going to lead to a better life. Otherwise, things were going to continue on the same path, which was worsening nonstop.
Jealousy can end with a shift in perception. Where I was once envious of people who had easier early lives, which I saw as allowing them to prosper more easily.
With more significant obstacles to overcome, the rewards become greater too.
I’m not jealous of anyone anymore. I know people have more than me, and I know people know more than me, but I’ve seen how much progress I can accomplish through self-awareness and personal focus, so I know I can attain and achieve anything.
I see people that I was once jealous of in my mid-20s and who are struggling now greatly. It was like life was too easy for them, and when they faced obstacles, they might need to face hard choices on their own rather than be told what to do.
I’ve been in survival mode for so long that I’m fearless. Now I know you can take everything away from me, but you can’t take the world within me, which gives me strength and courage.
Aspiring to be like someone can be noble, depending on the person. But if you are jealous about someone’s past or the things they own, this is a great big obvious hole within yourself that needs to be filled and never will be by obtaining those things.
It’s in being grateful for what we have that allows us to attract more.
That midlife crisis is genuine for people who didn’t experience an early crisis. My early pains of jealousy and self-loathing forced me to pick myself up off rock bottom and painfully learn peace and prosperity. I will never lose that knowledge, and I will never experience the midlife crisis I’m watching so many of my early peers embody today.
Jealousy is natural, but it’s silly; it’s as simple as that. If you feel jealous, that’s a great sign that you must work on yourself. Receiving what you think you’re jealous of isn't the cure. It would help if you discovered what emotional wound needs to be healed to get rid of the jealous distractions that are taking part in your