Aug 23, 2022
I have a problem with rest and relaxation. I am not good at letting myself do those things guilt-free unless I am 100% done with every chore or task my brain has labeled "my responsibility" and "work". My brain labels things about as accurately as a drunk toddler who's been handed a label maker so I have never had a moment where I felt like I was allowed to relax.
I've set rules for myself to help force moments of relaxation into my life but those are pretty recent. Before that you would either find me completely engrossed in an activity I found rewarding or I was just purposefully fucking off.
A lot of this is the result of a lifetime of pressure to mask my autism and be useful. It also probably directly relates to how bad my Long Covid has been.