There are some days when you are just going to be in pain no matter what you do. At some point, it becomes a permanent searing inescapable fixture in your life.
There are many aspects of your life it impacts. Once you have exhausted the means you have to manage it you're left with how to cope with it. It's exhausting - if you're short on energy because of Long Covid welcome to the double whammy... Oh, and you don't get sleep to recharge - so it's more of a triple.
Impacts and coping are what I want to talk about right now. Managing pain is more of a discussion to have with someone who is a Dr and understands what is causing your pain.
On bad pain days doing most anything costs double spoons. Energy Management on bad pain days is even more important and has thinner margins of error. Being in pain is a constant drain on your internal battery. It is exhausting on its own and you're starting on half a charge.
With all the mental bandwidth being taken up by the voice in your head screaming "Fuuuuuuuuuucking ouch" it's easier to miss the subtle cues. When you miss subtle clues you end up with less subtle ones like fainting or throwing up - and in a crash.
One of my least favorite ways it impacts my life is what it does to my demeanor. It is hard to be patient, kind, and compassionate when you are in pain. I don't like being someone who snaps at people so I tend to retreat when I am in pain as much as I am able. Meanness is not a quality I feel is compatible with being a good person.
One of the ways that pain drains your internal battery is it causes you to tense up. Keeping your muscles tense that long will hurt more and uses up a lot of energy. Having a periodic reminder to relax yourself intentionally helps.
I usually have a comfort show playing in the background and every time I hear intro music I use it as my cue to relax everything starting from the top of my head to my toes. It helps to work your way from top to bottom and focus on each part of your body individually relaxing each part entirely before moving to the next.
Not moving for too long can make the pain worse. I try to do a little bit of stretching out the pain whenever I hear the outro music playing. It takes energy to do it but it helps me soothe the pain a bit. This doesn't mean that I am stretching and relaxing every half hour they are cues I miss pretty frequently but they do help as unobtrusive reminders.
Resting helps a lot and I find it's easier to rest after I have just gotten done focusing on releasing the tension in my muscles. I might not be able to sleep all the way but closing your eyes for a while can help recharge you a bit. Guiding yourself through the pleasant gentle parts of your imagination can be enough to help you ignore the pain enough to drift off to sleep for a while. Even if it doesn't land me in dreamland it does help me suffer less for a bit and prolong the amount of time I'm not tensing up.
Sometimes keeping myself distracted by focusing on something that is enjoyable and not too draining helps. Writing is at times (like now) very helpful. This sort of writing requires more mental bandwidth so it's not something that I can sustain for long. Poetry is easier and is the sort of thing that I can set down and pick up as needed. However, writing while angry has its own drawbacks - don't publish it right away, double check it on a better day before hitting send.
Sometimes the pain is intolerable for longer than you can cope with. When that happens there are few safe options - seeking medical care risks reinfection and asking for pain meds usually goes over like a turd in a punch bowl. Pain on its own is always viewed with skepticism if you seek medical care.
Unless the pain seems linked to something that requires urgent medical care you're on your own to figure it out. Sometimes I figure it out with a little bit of Benadryl and a lot of THC so I can sleep for a few hours without being woken up by pain. It's not something that can be done often as you build up a tolerance pretty quick.
Having an escape hatch for a few hours in my back pocket helps me get through some of the worst pain. Reminding myself that the more often I have to use it the less it will work and the way pain management is stigmatized and that's why I am forced to figure it out myself because there's no other option fills me with enough anger to hold on longer.
Today is a medium bad pain day. I'm reminding myself to relax every so often, I'm a bit drained, and need to remind myself to intense. I can focus on other things as long as I have the energy to stretch and relax every so often. I can already feel the extra drain sapping me so I think it's time for a rest before I tackle my to-do list (as carefully as possible).
Here's a picture of me bathing in Yautja blood.
