Nov 28, 2021
2 mins read
When are we truly free? Looking back at September and the beginnings of this channel I've talked about being a foundation. I've never expressed what that means to me or how it affects the channel and my purpose in life. I go on about raising three black men and why I believe all men should be respected. I neglect to mention that I raised three FREE black men. Free from the shackles of poor emotional health. Free of cyclical traumas. Free of the current money over morals mindset.
I was able to do this because of foundational men in my own life. My father and theirs. While things didn't work out in our marriage and while I may have my opinions on the approach, their father provided cover for myself and our children for 20 yrs. My father did the same for 22. At times I liked neither man but have always loved and appreciated them for honoring their commitment.
On the other hand, I've watched women of similar ages be less than loyal and assign shame and blame without accountability. When I sought wisdom from older women I was told terrible things to avoid being under the cover of a man. Many of these women had never truly accepted a man's cover or given their hearts to them. They seemed to see these men as foreign enemy combatants. There was no commitment to anyone but themselves. The words of love were spoken while the actions didn't match.
Witnessing this throughout my life I recognized I had to be a different mother to keep my sons free. I had to be a mother who respected their masculinity while I challenged them to excel. I had to be the example of a woman committed to them and their future. In this way, I was showing and telling them what to look for in a partner.
I believed when they moved out I could put this burden aside. I realize, now, my job is never done. What do we seek after freedom? This is my journey and the tools I must pass to my sons. At the same time, I realize there are others out there who weren't born or raised free. They are seeking freedom. They recognize the differences that set them apart from their peers and the world around them. The channel and passion are for them.
I understand what it is to not have a parent but need a parent's understanding. To have a parent and they not understand you as a person. To seek love and find lies. I show up for them. Their blackness is just as legitimate as those they feel disconnected from. I advocate for them because they too are the future. They are my sons' peers and possible partners. I have to show up and show out as if they were my own. I have to show up and show out for their future so my legacy has a future.