Do not sigh, child. Do not cry. Whatever ill it is that pursues you, I shall provide you peace from.
I take my head out of my hands to see who this woman is who likes to use ominous phrases that make me wonder about running away.
Oh. It's you. Aren't you supposed to have gone home? a small, red, furry creature says.
Or not, as the mouth didn't actually move. She does, however, raise her arms and fluff up enough to seem double the size I first thought she was. The display might be intimidating to another of her kind but I'm struck with the desire to pick her up. It's slightly at odds with the sexy voice but even that doesn't stop me wanting to hug her.
"Do- Do we know each other?" I ask.
I sit on my hands. If I give in to the desire to hug her, I'll no doubt offend the only living thing still in sight, and there's still a possibility she knows where I need to go next.
We've met.
She crosses her adorable little arms and suddenly there's no longer a little red teddy in front of me but a monumentally tall black and white panda staring at me. She still has her arms crossed. She's also still so adorably cute that I want to hug her and find out how much of the roly-poly shape is fur. However, somewhere in the back of my brain is the urge to run.
You have sought my advice before.
"I don't remember," I say.
She stares at me. You do not remember me?
"I'm sorry-"
Me? How could anyone forget my glory, my power, my might?
I'm starting to wonder why I don't at least remember the trauma of having to deal with these spoilt brat vibes the panda has.
"I need to find the Wizard's Wife," I say, before she can continue.
Are you still looking for her? A panda lip is curled in contempt. I didn't know they could do that. Did you totally waste my advice, then? Why should I help you again if it is only squandering both my time and yours?
"Oh, it's not 'still'." I say. "I've found her a few times now. But I've finished an errand for her," I wave the feather, "and I don't know where she is now to deliver her feather."
The panda glares at me. You're using the powers of the great Empanda to get back to your employer? Do you think I am some sort of service to mind brainless children and escort them home?
"Um. No?"
Of all the ungrateful, spoilt, stupid, mortal creatures! Why do I have to keep dealing with you? You evil, bullying monster who made my children cry!
I clear my throat and say, as evenly as possible, "Because the sooner you help me, the sooner I'm gone?"