The panda disappears. I’m not entirely sure how that worked, not that I know how anything works around here, but I’m pretty sure I saw a bright blue dot of light for a moment afterwards. I’m not sure whether it was an after-image or something more dangerous. I did not approach in the fraction of a second it existed to find out.
I call out. “Um. Empanda?”
One moment, Caller.
“What?”
Please hold. Your Call is important to us but the line is currently busy. You are in a queue and your Call –
“Whatever,” I say and sink my head in my hands again.
– will be answered as soon as possible.
She was as much use as a fart in a thunderstorm.
There’s a popping sound.
I look up and the blue spot is back.
I’m not going anywhere near that thing.
This way, the panda’s voice says.
I stare at the blue spot but don’t move.
Now!
I’m not sure whether I’m unconsciously responding to the voice or she has some control over me but the next thing I know I’m stood up and reaching towards the little blue dot...and then I’m stood on a nicely manicured with a nicely manicured hedge, nicely manicured, slightly curved flowerbeds between the edge of one and the beginning of the other. I’m standing on a paved circle and there are four rose arches making a square within the circle and around me. There isn’t a house near enough to see clearly but I’ve no doubt this garden belongs to one of those nicely manicure semis on the edge of some nicely manicured village. I’m not quite sure if the sour taste in my mouth is dislike or jealousy.
You wanted the Stone Circle, says the panda’s voice, and here it is.
“I thought I wanted the Wizard’s Wife?”
There’s a sigh that makes the ground shake and my bones melt. Because she was the only one who knew how to get here.
Which can’t have been true because here we are.
And then I hear the screaming, getting louder as the screaming person approaches.
They don’t actually get very close. I see an angular, almost disjointed human shape run between one tree and another. From the shape of the lawns and the layout of the plants I can see, I would guess they’re running to and from parts of the garden I can’t see. Again, I have no interest in walking nearer to investigate. After the screaming thing runs past, a troop of roly-poly pandas chase past the same place. I can only assume they’re chasing the screaming thing.
Another sigh and, Children! How many times have I told you not to torment your pets so?
The pandas stop before they disappear after their prey. The sudden halt results in a comic pile up that almost makes me want to go over and help the fluffy, ungainly teddy bears to their feet. Something in the back of my head tells me this is a bad idea.
“Sorry, mama,” the pandas chorus.
Come home at once.
“Yes, mama,” they say.
They run towards me and I duck but they disappear into another blue dot long before they actually reach me.