Reflections of My Past

Reflections of My Past

Oct 05, 2021

With the year flying right by us, I’ve decided I want to share something that has been within my mind and spirit. This year has taught me so much about myself and who I want to be in this lifetime. Also if you are anything like me who likes a little guidance from the stars I highly suggest the @Pattern app. It really has been helping me to navigate through this healing journey. Definitely eye-opening subconscious truths.

With that being said, this new month has brought in some strong energies and I have been feeling down for some time before that. Thanks, Mercury Retrograde. I have some deep wounds and I’ve been ahead of this insight (Heal Your Wounds) since a few days ago on the 28th and haven’t gone back to reflect further on my past relationships. But I can share some of what I’ve learned so far.

Reflecting on my past has brought me back to the first man and woman who’ve shown me what dysfunctional relationships could be like. Growing up you’d never know the dysfunction I was exposed to. These very people, my grandparents, had set the tone for how my relationships would be like as I got older. Reflecting back on it, feelings of shame and guilt came about. 

Feeling unworthy because I am far from the person I expected myself to be or what society expected me to be. Torn between the reality of what I went through and what I truly believe about myself and the people I associate with romantically or otherwise. Tearing it all down to finally see the truth.

With over 20+ years of trauma and lessons, I’ve been avoiding the lessons like a plague. I feel so overwhelmed because I have so much to learn and heal from. It was not my fault that I was a hypersexualized child. It was not my fault that some of the relationships I experienced as a teen were heartbreaking. Especially the most impactful one. The one I shared with my oldest child’s father. It wasn’t my fault that my grandfather and grandmother abused and neglected me. I know I am worthy of having amazing relationships, an amazing creative business, and awesome life. 

Yet when another lesson comes to reveal itself I feel like what is the point. I know my path as a generator (Human Design) is meant to be an easy one but damn has it packed a punch for the last ten months. I asked God to reveal what needs to be healed and that has been accomplished. Be careful what you pray and wish for. Seriously!

My relationships with others have taught me about how to truly love myself first. That I am more than my body and my financial success. I deserve to be happy and worthy of existing. No one should ever feel like they aren't worth it. I leave with this, no matter what your past has been like, you deserve to be happy and living your best life.

There will be days where it will feel like what is the point. These trials are there for us to slow down and look at for what it needs to be seen as. What can it teach you? To do this we must reframe the way we look at our past and our current situation. The way we look at things can either hinder us or ascend us to another level.

I send you so much love on your journey to healing and falling in love with you again. Every path we take has a purpose in our growth. How will you grow today?

XO, Christina

P.S. Don't forget to join me on Instagram and follow me @conscioussoulcare_ for updates and more fun ways to heal. Can wait to see you there. Take care love.

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