I don’t even know how to begin this. HA!
I laugh at this because I’ve had many dreams. I can name them all. From nursing to entertainer, gymnast, writer, everything in between, and now self-healer.
In reality, I wanted to be happy doing what I love and supporting my family while I'm doing it.
Driven on a course where I had no clue where I was going. I knew though it had to be better than where I was at. Always future-oriented. Big dreams and who I would meet. Not too big because of course as you get older you start to believe “luck” has something to do with it.
Photo by Anastasia Shuraeva
Far from the truth of it all. In reality, we starve ourselves of the joy we seek when the “future” is placed as to when the joy will begin for us. How funny we humans are. But that didn’t happen by accident. That took years of conditioning. Watching and listening to our environment. Absorbing every bit of information even when they (adults) thought we weren't paying attention.
Different cues of who said what and how it was said. Even what we have seen. Giving you this idea behind whatever it is that keeps you in this loop.
"Tomorrow will be better."
The truth is BETTER can happen now. Better can happen within us and around us every day. Only if we notice what keeps us from being great or better than we were a moment ago.
My reality is going to be different from yours but generationally the same traumas. Anyone who says they are 100% percent okay is lying. Or damn good at keeping what needs not to be seen.
I have seen a balance between those who choose to dig deeper and see what truly resonates with their spirit or energy and those who know but choose to stay the same. It's hard work and I expect none to be ready to face what they need to face. Heck, half the time I am not ready and it's why I procrastinate on what I need to do to move forward to the next part of my healing journey.
I always had the drive to create. Now writing... I love writing and through this healing, I have found so much love in sharing my experiences. Finally unafraid to share my truths. The generational trauma that needed to be healed. Generations of silence. Afraid to share for the shame of it.
I have seen and been shamed as a victim of sexual assault. Stigmatized as a troubled child and not seeing the trauma playing itself out. Even my very private journal was spread around the boys' group home. Even among the men who worked there. That will be shared with you all another time.
The more I wanted to be free of the experiences I had. The more I felt I needed to hide them. Furthering my dreams of the happiness that should be there. Who’d believe me and who will be quick to judge my story. I am not a victim nor a villain in this story. I played the roles I needed to play in my life. "Good" or "bad" its helped me grow.
Whether that was to protect myself or living my life, I end up hurting another in the process of doing so. I can say I am deeply understanding of how I thought and acted that I now give others grace in their own journey. Even if they are unaware. It's not my place to judge if I am not to show the way.
Most times we are stuck in a loop. We don't even know that life is waiting for us to see the star that we are in this world. We all matter in some way or another. We happen to be and we exist. We bring smiles to this world and sometimes we gotta remind ourselves of the fucking rockstar that we are.
Not to brag but to know we can be happy right now. At this very moment. You deserve to be happy. Now find a reason to be happy. It's there for us every day. If we open our hearts and mind to see it.
Here are five things you can do to experience joy and one thing for growth.
Shadow work for prompt folks. Be prepared to cry. Yes, CRY. Have you spoken to your inner child before? Well, prepare yourself if she/he is dying to tell their story. It can get ugly. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
Alright, let’s dive in….
List five reasons you are grateful to be a part of your life right now. e.g.: sunlight, family, hugs, plushies (I love plushies) Small or large reasons don't matter, they all matter to you.
If you love nature as I do...GO HUG A TREE. Yes. Why? Well, how silly does it look to hug a tree? Now imagine when hugging that tree and knowing how silly you look will spark laughter in your soul.
Watch your favorite comedy from your childhood or teen years. What made you laugh hysterically? Grab yourself, a friend or a loved one and tap into that comedic joy.
What self-care medium do you like to utilize? Baths, nature walks, mirror work, painting, handcrafting jewelry and so much more.
What helps you to feel your most relaxed? Call your bestie and set up a lunch date. Maybe a quick coffee run. Find a way to connect with someone supportive of your journey. Friends truly have a special way of helping us to be our best selves.
Here is a shadow prompt to dive into:
What did you do as a child that brought you so much joy? Unfortunately, this was met by either being ridiculous, too loud, spanked, and/or verbally abused for it. Or something entirely different.
This is part of how our dreams become starved. Because the dream is made from the spunkiness; your energy, your uniqueness, and your understanding of this world. It is not your fault someone didn’t understand what it was that you needed. There can be plenty of reasons why we hide our true form. Small or big it impacts you in some form or another. Unaware today how it plays a part in our existence.
This space here is to be utilized as a safe space to come to learn and understand what truly makes us tick. What brings fire to our soul? How can we bring that fire to the forefront of this reality? No longer ashamed or afraid but thriving in one's inner truth.
Reality as we really know it is who we are in this experience, at this moment right now. Only right now can define what tomorrow shall be.
What will you do today to make it matter most? YOU ARE WORTHY!
Photo by Andrew
Remember, that you are the creator of your day-to-day reality.
With Conscious Love,
Christina Vasquez - Intuitive Healer & Handcrafter
P.S. If you didn't know I am a handcrafter of protective jewelry pieces, smudge room & body sprays, and more. I love to create intuitive pieces for myself and my clients. So if you are looking for something new to add to your self-care collection check out https://madebyconscious.com/ today. Can't wait to partner up to create your next handcrafted self-care collection.
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