Sep 11, 2020
3 mins read
I don't know about you, but I always needed to write.
I have this force in myself, every time I feel something, I need to write it.
I don't know why. It's ridiculous.
And sometimes what I have to write has nothing to do with what I am already writing, so you know I have like 3000 projects for books with only the general plot in it. No characters, no sense, no nothing. It's very pathetic for someone who you know, wants to make a living out of writing stuff, ya feel me? I stop everything that I do just to write that one thing.
It is like being possessed, it is not always fun, or at the right moment. I am always doing something else.
I have like a schedule, you know? So every time I am supposed to write in my schedule, my mind is blank. Completely. Blank. You know, like a big cosmic joke to all authors out there!
And I really try to finish those firsts drafts of potential books, you get me? But I have nothing, nada, zilch. I feel like an insult to everybody calls themselves an author. How do other writers do it?
It is like I can't focus on the one thing that my brain forces me to do. What kind of joke is that?
It's like I am on fire and the only thing that can extinction it is just to write what I have at the deep of my tongue. It is an all-consuming fire. Which is really fome, cause I am like 5'1, so I am always freezing... Not the point, but yeah. I am always cold. Unrelated joke. Jaja, I am very funny sometimes.
So yeah, I decided that I would love to be a writer and make my life as an author. Dream Big TM, am I right? I feel like I am going to starve in the future, but you still feel like you could do it.
A little bit like JK Rowling, with the whole magical way she made millions just by writing a few books, even though she had so much going against her. Magical. Too bad she is a TERF, but you know, she is still pretty amazing with the whole idea of becoming a millionaire thanks to your writing.
I am writing two books at the same time on Wattpad right now. Yeah, Wattpad. That app that most teenage girls go for porn, yeah that one.
Why Wattpad? Well, I hoped my family couldn't find me in it. Big mistake, my mom found me and told the whole family.
It's fine, they don't really know what the app is really being used for, but you know, they are very proud of their little Crystal in writing books on the internet for everybody to see. Well, not everybody, just a few hundred people (which for them is like a lot, (which is really not, compared to the giants that have over 50 million reads on their works (not bitter, what are you talking about? I just am a long way from that, that's all))).
I even had friends of my mom in Portugal (I live in Chile) who started reading my books. And my mom is in her 40s, so all her friends are about that age and older. Older, like 60-70 reading my supernatural book of werewolves. And they liked it! I really hope they don't tell her I am writing sexy scenes too.
One can only hope.
The worst part was learning that my mom started reading one of my books and got mad at me because I haven't finished it.
I had never so much shame in my whole life. How dare I not finish writing my book? It is the only thing I am doing at quarantine, how did I not finish it?
The worst part is that I've been writing the book she is reading for almost 6 years now. The humiliation.
But yeah, I always need to write, it is both a talent and a curse. And right now I am leaning on the latter, but it's cool. I am taking this time in quarantine to try and finish those damn books, it is hard but I feel like I can do it. Somehow.