Details for subs

So I’m covering this topic in a lot of different places at the moment, so I might as well make it a post of its own here. 

For the benefit of all subordinate denominations: 

Many of you fall victim to the plethora of scams and con artists of the internet’s age of instadomme - the likes of whom have little to no idea what BDSM actually is, and becoming a unwilling victim of theirs can happen to any of you. 

As such it stands to reason that an on mass education is required for the benefit of all. 

Those seeking a Mistress or Dominant female first need to understand the ‘type’ they are actually looking for.

a. True professionals charge for their time and services, they also advertise their services on reputable directories and sites, along with having a website and traceable public social media that is consistently branded as their work persona - quality watermarked with their name photos and videos of them, links to their clips stores with videos of them with consenting to be filmed subs. It is also normal to be expected to pay a deposit to a professional, but if they ask for more than a double figures sum, chances are they are an Escorting Mistress (who also offer sex), rather than a Dominatrix (who don’t allow sex beyond pegging). It’s worth noting that professionals will have their own areas of specialisms, which can be financial domination aka findom - again a reputable professional in this area can be identified as per the others outlined above, the main thing to remember is CONSENT if you approach a Lady seeking financial domination there are few types … take all, teach you to budget, take what you can spare/afford. 

Which leads me nice and squarely to the how things were previously done - just because it’s the modern age of the internet, doesn’t mean it’s time to be lazy and jump at the First Lady to show any attention!  DO YOUR RESEARCH, since time in memorial, this is how professional Dominatrices were booked … word of mouth, recommendations, adverts, reviews, friend of a friend etc these methods and more besides.  

b. Next we have lifestyle Ladies, who aren’t doing it as a paid job (some are both professionals and lifestylers - again do your research). These ladies DON’T advertise on directories or have websites etc, they most commonly found by attending fetish community events and munches, more rarely found on fetlife or other similar BDSM focused web communities or on dating sites fetish and vanilla ones. These Ladies will choose you not you them, you will be interviewed for suitability for them and their lifestyle - some only want fetish play arrangements (I call these fetships, as they are non sexual in nature), others want poly relationships where they have a vanilla partner but choose you as their fetish partner, while the very select few (and it really is a small pool) are looking for all in relationships … sex, family, long term commitment, bdsm, the whole nine yards however that looks to them. 

Lifestyle ladies need you to be of benefit and use to their life. While they don’t charge by the hour, you will be earning every moment of this connection through sweat and labour at tasks and skills she chooses to set or use from you. You will be expected to give her a token/gift upon meeting, some may specify they want regular gifts - it’s up to them (but if they ask more than you are willing to give, you renegotiate or ask to be released). 

Again to know you’re seeking a good one RESEARCH, check out her Fet profile, speak to fet acquaintances you have in common, ask about at munches and events for details about their reputation in the community. 

c. Last of all we have the ‘instadomme’, these are usually bratty girls who’ve heard they can make money claiming to be a Domme and order guys to do whatever they like, rarely it might be another man with stolen images pretending to be the woman they aren’t to ‘catfish’ you. They have little to no clue what bdsm is, most think it’s just findom (financial domination), they certainly don’t know what RACK (Risk Aware Consensual Kink) is, never mind what ‘consent’ on its own is. They will demand extortionate amounts of money, promise you every kinky dream and never deliver on their promises … these are the scammers to be wary of (and give well established professionals a tarred name), the odd new professional may come across as one from this category but they learn quickly, and like I said RESEARCH will always win out. 

There is no excuse for being lazy and complaining. No Mistress worth the title will jump through hoops at your command or request.  Nothing worth having gets handed to you on a platter - remember this it will serve you well.