The last few weeks, especially the one just past, has been a fury of Truth of The Self.





Death and Rebirth.

I’ve been questioning many things In context of The Self with much curiosity. I began to RealEyes that while I was deeply knowing OF my energy, how it flowed through what I was told was just not right.

I legit said last week ‘there is definitely something a miss with HD and Projectors’ because I was trusting in my own inner Self, how I work… WHERE my energy flows.

I’ve been noticing this distortion in the flow.

Nothing has been flowing right.

No matter how much I rested and waited.

The more I studied and observed My Self with these RealEyes,  the less I made sense.

The Womb Room too.

A landslide a few years ago has disrupted the flow of the water along river boundary. Leaving a very high level of stagnant water with nowhere to go. Still.

The water is not flowing through the Emerson, thus not heating it. So I have had no hot water since I moved in.

The sewerage was not flowing to the tank due to a blockage. 

It all came to a head two weeks ago when I had to have some serious conversations with the Self (and my landlord) about integrity to my Self and my contracts of purpose in this Realm, in context to The Womb Room which included topics such as the current relationship with a landlord who, while on a level understands ‘magic’….believes you should overpower the frequency of this land to control it, my abilities and scope of practice as a tenant and not a guardian of the land… in working with the land, the short term restrictive contracts which binds me into something that has no creative freedom nor long term planning ability.

Can I do what I need to do, for me to Be, as is?

A hard acknowledgment in truth.


There’s so much more to this experience, and to why I arrived at the RealEyes Station of Acceptance of this no.

Many depths and layers I’m sure will make themselves known through integration.

Anyway, as it always does, this place led me home. To the distortions of flow within myself.

It was a lot for me to get to a place of being just okay with walking away from this dream if necessary.

A heartbreaking decision but one that was integral to me, a stepping out from the circle.

And then a weight lifted.

In this space of acceptance I opened up to new possibilities.

I allowed my waters to lead the way in the questions “Who am I? What do I want? What do I want to build? What impact do I want to have? What do I want to say? What legacy do I want to leave my children?” Amongst so many more questions.

I just observed my waters through this mind ramble. For weeks and weeks.

Once the weight of outside lifted, the flow of truth inside gushed.

There was absolutely nothing to do only stay statue still.

And Sea.

The path that had been foggy and dense as fuck, splattered with Lemons to throw me on me arse and the odd lime for a bit of zest!, opened up.

Not fully, but enough to take a few clear steps.

The last few weeks I’ve been intensely questioning HD and the energy flow of projectors, MY energy flow. My anomaly of being of The Self. My voice and how/where I use it.

One morning while mooching in my group messages I came across a link that led me down a rabbit hole to a totally unexpectedly crazy Real Eyes Station that my fucking birth time was 12hrs out.

Immediately my heart sunk.

Shit I thought, running straight to Sidereal in a FUCK ME daze.

Well, you can see the result for yourself. In the charts. My chart was upside down.

When I saw all the houses switch I just put my hand over my mouth and said ‘OHHH’.

Ohhhhhh 🤭

And confronted AF I became.

I text my Astro nerd like the self friend immediately and was like WTF.

My mind was grasping but my body was home.

Then I thought, shit… HD.

So off I went.

When my chart popped up I was instantly fucking REPELLED.


And I had to take a few deep breaths. I’m pretty sure I cried. I for sure felt shame and immense Self judgement and criticism. And I too was also curious.

So I text my friend again and some other friends for guidance and off Investigating I went….

5/1 Emotional Manifestor with the 56-36 🤭😅

Like sorry, but the more I read the more I fucking laughed. Oh I laughed SO fucking hard.

And the calmer my mind became with my Self.

The Innerstanding began to land.

I’ve lived for almost two years as a 4/6 splenic projector and now I find out the truth.

I know those of you that KNOW, will Know.

My whole way of working with my energy was opposite.

Waiting when I should be initiating.

What an actual fucking mind trip.

It took me days of reading, pondering, feeling the wave roar within me… finally.

It took Astrology and the simplicity it gives me in the flow of energy to innerstand that the energy of the self was Mostly the same as I innerstood it, but how it flowed was something I did not.

Where I put the energy was not the right place.



What a fucking weightful penny!

It landed deeeeply in every.single.fucking.aspect of my life.

Trust in The Self above everything else.




Step 1. Family


To be explored.


I have no truth in the now…

I sea that,


So I’ll let you know when I do.

I’m happy.

I’m calm.

I’m fucking raging.

Now I Sea My Self…

In ALL of my Repelling glory