At weekends, railways in Little England are replaced with buses. It’s been the law since 1948. However after spotting a legal loophole (don’t ask me for details, I’m not a lawyer), Driver Gaylord Grip, Barry Bullhead (from the Ministry of Misery) and home-brew Clive are trialing a new ‘Bus Replacement, Rail Replacement, Bus Replacement, Rail Replacement Service’ aka the rather catchy ‘BRRRBRRRS’ (try saying that after 9 pints of 8% rough cider).

This ground breaking initiative will allow the railways to run at the weekend, but it will also honour those 350 year contracts with the bus companies to continue to provide that slow miserable service us whinging Brits so much love.

Barry Bullhead has decided that the ‘BRRRBRRRS’ must have an average speed of no more than 9mph, and that all routes must be the most convoluted possible. Careful consideration has been explored to ensure that all travel connections cannot be met, and that the last service from town on a Saturday evening is at least 3 hours before the pubs shut and the theatres close.

Trivia on this day 55 years ago, the 9th of July 1967, British Rail Southern Region ran its last steam hauled services.