Dec 31, 2022
2 mins read
I just thought that comment was hilarious. Also, apparently it was 7am?
Post nut laugh to start the day.
Post of sad to end the year.
I wanna cry so bad.
I keep making mistakes.
I'm pretty sure its just imposter syndrome, but I feel like a laughable excuse of everything I say I am and I can't fucking change.
Well, I can change some things.
The things that I can't change, I find places for them, where they don't hurt anybody and hopefully, God-willing, do a little good.
Transmute my negative traits into something useful.
I have to grow up. Like, officially. Do it myself.
Nobody prepared me for this whatsoever and I'm a little retarded so I'm having a hard time but goddammit, every year I just keep aging and now I'm 24 with nothing but my testes and empty promises.
I'm not gonna cry.
I can't anyways.
Its my niece's birthday, she's turning 6.
Happy birthday mamas, I love you (even though you never say it back) 💝🎉🎊🎆🎇🎂
P.S Feb 15, 2023
She called me "poor" to her friends yesterday. It bothered the shit out of me. She's 6.
I corrected her the best I could in the moment, but again, she's 6. How could I explain to her that having money is not a virtue nor a sign of wealth, but quite the opposite?
How could I explain to her that I'm trying to (she came and sat next to me with her friends just now to sing our favorite song together, "My Mind" - Yebba 💕) shift the zeitgeist, and that me selling my soul to another man in exchange for green paper is a needless counter productive waste of time that could cost us all our lives?
That if she were to ask me for something to eat, I'd give it to her regardless of what it could cost me because that's what love is (love being our only salvation right now. Take it idc), however in these streets nobody will give you shit unless you can give them something in return– give a fuck if you starve and die in freezing winter "give me money or get the fuck on somewhere"– and that this very system of things (which is SO not love) whereby we have been stripped of our divinity– our natural abundance– and made into selfish little goblins, is the handiwork of some very wicked motherfuckers who have seized the means of production for themselves, will not share lest we slave for them, and even then they give us SCRAPS...
Explain that I am too free, too wise, and too Divine to choose money over love...
Explain that everything I just explained is the very root of our evils now today...
How could I explain to her that I'm–... ahh, another time chérie, I'll tell you all about it 🤞🏿.
Mar 24, 2023
She finally said she loved me 2 nights ago, I could cry 😌.
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