"The only man who never makes mistakes is the man who never does anything." - Theodore Roosevelt
So true! And very annoying because most of us would rather just do nothing, other than switch between Netflix and Tiktok all day, laughing at silly videos of kids playing pranks on their hundred year old parents. We all do it, don't lie!
Anyway, now that the inspiring quote and weird intro is out of the way, let me tell you about my book and how effing hard it is to write the damn piece of crap (it's an amazing book, I promise). It's called Billiam and Hector: Go to Hell. It's about two best friends that, well, go to Hell. But not Hell as we perceive it. Forget the Devil and demons and corpses and skeletons and whatever the hell else is buried beneath the earth (lost socks and bobby-pins), and imagine there was a world, like our own, but underground. We never knew about it. It's been there the whole time but, we as humans have been too pre occupied with shit like the industrial age, outer space, Donald Trump and Tiktok (I didn't listen much in school but I think those are real things) that we never realised. We've been looking for life in space for years but we never thought, for one second, that the aliens might have been living beneath our feet this entire time. Spoiler alert, they got here before humans did! Make sense? Well it makes sense to me and I'm still in the early stages of figuring out what exactly is happening in what order in this story, but bare with me. My explanations will get better as I progress more.
Who's Billiam and Hector?
They're the bestest flippen friends (bff's) and they're on a crazy mission. They're not going down to hell looking for earthworms or treasure. The devil pissed them off and they're going down there to kick him in the knee. More on that later!
Billiam - He's a bartender. Sick of his life and looking for adventure. He obviously didn't expect to find it in the little town he lives in (I'm still thinking of a name for this fictional town). He’s short tempered and mostly grumpy.
Hector - Sort of the opposite. Friendly and outgoing, but if there's a bar fight involving Billiam he'll always help. He's a caring farm boy, so he's a lot warmer than Billiam.
There are a ton of other characters in this book and I’ll introduce all of them one by one as I come up with more silly things to say for future posts, but it’ll be epic.
What else?
Well, there’s not a lot more, since I’m still struggling my things off trying to come up with ideas for new chapters. So far I’ve written the outlines for 24 chapters and kind of got stuck. It’s easy to come up with ten ideas, but fleshing out every single one of them in great detail is a lot harder than I anticipated. I’m sure other writers have the same problem (or I’m just slow) but I’ve made great progress and I’m super proud of the 44 pages I have so far. Thinking of getting to 400 pages is a little nauseating, but I’m sure I’ll get there before my 70th birthday.
I’ll be keeping these posts short, as I know it’s unhealthy to sit on the toilet too long and I don’t want my readers getting hemorrhoids. Spend money on my book not cream for your bum. Please.