Ask any experienced bartender to tell you stories of the crazy shit they've seen and they'd probably be able to talk your ear off for hours on end. I thought I'd start posting about some of these stories here for your entertainment and also to let you realise that sometimes you might be treating service staff like an absolute idiot.
I've worked in a lot of different bars and at festivals and events (mostly in South Africa) and now in Dubai, and the first thing to note is that no matter where in the world you are, people are pretty much the same. Its how we're allowed to treat guests that change from place to place.
In South africa, for example, if we don't like your attitude you can take your silly monopoly money and leave. In Dubai, it's different. It doesn't matter how horrible a guest is treating you, you have to smile and take it, and most probably give them free drinks. Which sucks. People here know that if they complain enough they'll get free stuff which can become really annoying to people that work twelve hours a day to make only about a third of what our snobby guests are making.
Anyway! Here are some Tales from the Bar!
He wanted to fork feed me
I was working in a bar in South Africa that basically survived on selling brandy and coke (like most South african bars) and barbecue style food. One day, a guest approaches the bar with his little daughter by his side and puts his plates on the bar. He ordered it a while back, finally got it and wanted to come and complain at the bar. As if we made it. He asked me to taste it saying, "does this taste hot to you?"
I obviously didn't think I'd actually have to taste it, I was just about to call someone so I wouldn't have to deal with it myself.
He asked again, "taste it, is it hot?" this time rasing his voice.
"I'm not tasting your food, sir. I'll call the manager," I said.
He picked up his fork, told his screaming daughter to shut up, scooped up some mashed potatoes and tried sticking it in my mouth.
I, naturally, wanted to smack him over the head with one of the empty bottles we had laying around. A manager finally arrived and said, "what seems to be the problem, sir?"
He then took his mashed potato fork and tried sticking it into my managers mouth.
"I'll taste it myself, thank you, " the manager said, clearly about to lose the little bit of his shit that he had left, too.
We finally got him to leave by saying he can have a new plate of food and he said, "no thanks, I'm never coming back," and took his tantrum throwing daughter and left. He was an idiot. Really.
The Bullfrog
Everyone that lives in Dubai knows that people here are addicted to Bullfrogs. I don't know if it's the pretty colour or the amount of alcohol, but they love it. For those that don't know what it is, here you go. It contains lime juice, vodka, rum, tequila, gin, blue curaçao and Red Bull. And each and every time someone orders it, they send it back saying it's not strong enough. I've seen this a more than a hundred times.
One night, a lady that looked like Charlize Theron from that Monster movie came to the bar and demanded I give her another Bullfrog.
"It's not st-st-st-strong enough," she drunkenly stuttered, almost spitting in my eye.
"I can't serve you anymore, sorry ma'am," I replied.
"The DJ is too soft," she shouted. I had difficulty hearing her, because the DJ was not soft. He was loud. Very loud.
"Huh?" I shouted back at the drunk old woman.
"DJ is soft!"
"What?"
This went on for about 2 minutes and since I had nowhere else I felt like being, I decided to continue having this weird, shouting conversation with her. Eventually a sober young man came to fetch her and said, "sorry I was paying the bill, we can leave now."
He took his mother/girlfriend/wife or whatever she was to him, and they left. And I was entertained. At no cost to me whatsoever.
I've thought many times that, now, finally I had seen it all. But everytime I go back to work the universe just sends me more and more entertaining people. And I'll continue telling you about my experiences with these people as I grow this weird little blog.
This has been the first post for Tales from the Bar and there will be many more to come. Let me know what you think and hit that follow button! And if you like what I'm doing I'd absolutely love it if you'd hit the support button and buy me that ice cold metaphorical beer.