Jul 07, 2021
4 mins read
Good afternoon dearest of friends! I really look forward to doing these blogs its such a refreshing thing for me to do and I find it very cathartic. Wow! What a couple of weeks! God has it being trying. My partners Uncle passed away after many years of struggling with ill health which was awful all around. I am an emotional pragmatist…. I know that sounds like a conflict but welcome to my head 😊 I am very pragmatic about where I assign emotion and how I use my emotions as essentially activating an ‘extra-ordinary’ level of emotions for me takes carefully planning as if it goes sideways its really hard to manage so I generally try not to attach myself to too much unless I really have to. This might sound cold, but I do it as a self-preservation technique and also to protect the people around me as If I “go” its not nice for anyone and in a situation like this where my role is a supporting role and not a main role, I try extremely hard to compartmentalize what is going on so I can operate as best as possible. I am hugely affected by changes in routine, status quo and even sleeping patterns. If these things change, I have to work even harder to stay level and therefore supportive. Anyway, so that was a tough couple of weeks leading up to the funeral.
We also had to have builders in the house to repair the bathroom, kitchen and do some work in the living room. Fans of my channel will be used to hearing me going on about the builders as once they were finished, I would have access to a small “cubby-hole” which can be my office. Well, they came, they saw, and they smashed it all out in three days. The three days were around the funeral so although it was super traumatic and incredibly challenging for me it’s all done and guess what. I finally have my studio! Sooooo………… LIVE STREAMS ARE BACK! And they are going to be at more convenient times for everyone as well as I am not (due to my own space) able to produce content after 8pm. Whoop Whoop!!! Good times ahead! And I’m so excited as I can get my channel rocking and rolling again. My Uploads are now going to be purely reaction videos, gaming news and my Sim Racing stuff. Everything else gameplay orientated will be done live. no more lets plays.
Now to the ‘Letting Go’ part. As you are aware I ran my own creators supporting creators type discord server called the Creators Collective and I merged it with another server so I could take a step back from the stress and mental health issues I was getting having to lead and make decisions etc and I want to also shout out Clouded Minds as a great friend who made all this possible and we are now collectively building an awesome gaming community that will stand the test of time. I was also in another server as well and found myself having huge issues with the leader of that server. I chose to leave due to awful behaviour of some of her moderators. This caused some animosity towards me, which I did not agree with and felt it was unfounded, however I respected this person a lot so didn’t want to get into a huge argument. I wished this person well and I just let it go. I cannot change someone else’s perception of me no matter how false it was or insulting (to me) the opinion is. It isn’t my business what someone thinks about me, and I am not going to diminish myself by causing myself huge upset. I’m trying to practice what I preach, its hard but it’s a must. What works for me might not work for others. Behaviour I would not condone in a heartbeat can be behaviour others are contented to turn a blind eye too. I am not about that. I have my own moral code and values and staying true to those in spite of loosing out myself on potential exposure and community, means more to me now. I remember a time where I would be flapping around, trying to ‘fix’ everything. Sometimes it isn’t worth fixing, nor trying to fix because the repair is too severe and this is one of those times, unfortunately. My conscience is clear, and I have conducted myself correctly and that is all that matters to me.
Have a wonderfully, wonderful couple of days and I hope to catch you all soon. If you are interested in tonight’s live stream the link is attached bellow, would be great to see you!
Also…… It’s coming home!