It's been almost 6 months since I last logged into my BMC page and to be honest I had moments during this period where I felt extremely guilty for not creating any content here. The reality is, I was lost, living in my own mind and completely uninspired to be even able to put something half decent together. I didn't know what I wanted to do whit this page, and to be honest I still don't, but I feel inspired to start creating here again, so I'm just going to let it flow and hope you will join me on this crazy journey full of growth, fun and new adventures!
So, what happened over the past months?
My life has changed drastically in every possible way in less than 6 months, it's been nothing short of crazy and magical all at the same time!
Where should I even begin... There's a lot of things I haven't shared on my social media, but here's a little back story.
I've separated from my babies dad in 2019, but we stayed living together (and his mom) up until this year in July. This in itself has been a challenge on so many levels. I started my full time artist business in mid 2020, but because of all my past unhealed trauma, energetic blocks and the fact I didn't feel comfortable, supported or seen in my own living environment, things seemed to be moving extremely slow, which was generating a lot of internal frustration and personal disappointment.
As you can probably imagine with Covid, lots of formal work problems, my babies dad being unemployed since the beginning of 2020 and his mom offering financial support to her other son as well, I felt like the financial burdens were all lying on my shoulders and my business has simply not moved forward how I wanted it to. There was a lot of pressure to provide, but not feeling supported and seen for the efforts I've been putting into this whole situation, I felt burned out on the daily.
Somewhere in March this year I had an encounter with an amazing being that does channellings and mediumship and we agreed on an energy exchange where he offered his time and done a reading for me for an exchange of me channelling light codes together with creating a commission painting for him. This was probably the most important thing I have done for myself because...
...this was the initiation of massive changes that followed just some months after.
He reminded me that one thing I need to do if I want to unlock the flow of abundance in this lifetime is heal co-dependency. Funny enough, I had co-dependency present in all my relationships in various different ways. The other "coincidence" in this whole thing was that the focus word I chose on the beginning of 2021 was "independency", how suiting and reconfirming.
after the session, the only thing that was going through my mind was, "How the hell am I going to do this?" I was not financially stable to be even able to apply for a new home, I had no savings and I felt guilty moving, leaving them in a difficult situation, even though I knew it was not my responsibility to take care of them any more than I already did.
I was so disconnected from my flow and feminine, intuitive energy for so long, I only knew how to operate on hustle and my ego mind and truthfully I didn't trust myself or my intuitive guidance. The following three months I took myself on a journey to reconnect to my feminine energy and get myself back into balance that I haven't had I many many years, if ever.
I tried to not focus on how and when things will happen, but rather how my internal world was feeling. I slowly let go of constant worry for money, I let go of constantly beating myself up for not being enough, not doing enough, not fulfilling others expectations, not getting recognition I deserved. There was just so much of stuff to unpack and heal and it's definitely not easy to refocus on your own wellbeing when the only thing you can feel from the outside world are silent demands of how they need you to be better for them.
Up until the day opportunity to move into my own home presented itself end of July, not much has really changed on the outside, but I kept the silent focus to trust my inner knowing and guidance.
And then the day came... everything exploded, I won't go into details on what happened, but I drew a line and said that's it, somebody has to move because I had enough!
To speed up the process I went on the internet and the first listing I came across was absolutely perfect for me in every way! No deposit, no documentation from work needed, affordable price, surrounded by trees and nature, away from all the madness. I called and had a viewing couple of days later and got handed the keys the same day and moved in over coming days. Say what?! Just a day before I would tell you it's impossible, but when you are ready, Universe will provide, even if you can't possibly see how. You got to trust yourself and the process.
Following months were just as amazing! I moved again just recently, same estate but a bigger apartment, almost all of my original paintings on canvas are sold, I have new equipment to produce professional prints by myself, and I'm on my way to dive deep into NFT world. Apart from all this magic I experienced one more absolutely magical thing "fell from the sky"... I connected with my twin flame witch was/is a whole another level experience... it's flow, surrender, trust, effortless communication and another level understanding, love and support. Things are flowing with so much ease and even though I still have my days where doubts and fears creep in, but now I have someone I can lean on to and receive just the right amount of emotional support and gentle reminders that indeed I am divine and a queen that can conquer it all.
If you take anything from all this written words, let it be, that every and all changes begin on the inside... take care of that first, the rest will follow!
I love you!
Thank you for being here! Let's rise together!
Soullana