Jun 09, 2022
4 mins read
It is happening.
What seems sudden and out of nowhere, sensations of heaviness hurdle over my body with each limb weighing more and more by the minute. My mind is being covered in a rolling city smog, sailing in so smoothly as though forming a signal to this surrender.
Time to decide.
There is always a choice, to what, is still unknown. Sometimes, one must "refuse the call". I can of course, but the amount of energy and sheer will power is comparable if not equal in contrast to the initial request. Not your typical nappy nap, lazy legs boredom or time out to regroup, but a mid day calling that says very loudly in my living landscape...
"Your body is going to shut down so you can travel. Do what you need to do, you have "x" amount of minutes before you will appear sleeping, soundly"
I make my way to my room where I feel most comfortable. As I rest my head upon the soft pillow and feel the welcomed security of a weighted blanket, I sink in. The unexplainable exhaustion creates conducive conditions for me to eagerly, willingly, want to let go.
The closest description of this I can conjure, is what I imagine hypnosis is like.
I fall asleep. The experience is had.
I lay there, lifeless but awake. For a few minutes ( what is a "few" ranges) to reestablish feeling my body and my physical senses reignite with life. The heaviness is still abundant, yet a knowing the lightness is on the rise. All that is asked of me is to, breathe. Do not rush the rising.
This reintegration into reality is like regaining feeling after being paralyzed. Its quite enjoyable. Odd and slow moving, yet enjoyable.
This experience did not carry with a remembering of the adventure. Typically, I do very vividly. I can draw pictures and have mental snapshots like memories made from very real moments, no different than if you and I were to interact and chat. I lay in the same position organically still. Despite my mental efforts, I realize I have no recall. This brings no disappointment as one might assume, nor a value of nothing applied, as I DID notice something.
I hear (not with my ears) "FEEL it to SEE it."
I scan my body. Toes to tip of my head. All good. Then I felt my hands well above my head, illuminating a fully exposed heart and a knee bent out to the side.
My body was in a familiar shape to these recurring and unpredictable strange sleeps. Regaining more conscious composure, I was careful to not move my body as the realization was met, that I am in a physical expression of the HANGMAN from the Tarot with a slight difference that my hands are not bound behind my back. A bit relieved, I feel more like I am being suspended in air, time or space.
I take a moment to wonder if this position is a gateway for me to travel, consciously, subconsciously or other worldly. This intrigues me. Truth or not, it is interesting to imagine.
Its a day later. I carry a gentle out of sorts aura about me after "the sleep" for a bit, as though I am distracted. Typically when there is a memory, images and interactions I wander the recall, as though I am trying to remember a dream (hence the distraction, I suppose) Yet this time, the only thing I had to go on with this symbolic sleep was my body, the position and an inspirational word of what It felt or looked liked.
This line of thought led me to revisit the traditional meaning and images of cards I have around of the "hangman". Stumbling around the meanings, the word suspension stands out. I decide to follow my own way of "seeing".
I create an ink blot to gaze upon and abstractly investigate. (SEE IMAGES)
From here another insight revealed
Honestly, I do not want to.
Refuse the call.
It gets louder.
Like the sleep, I must confirm and stand in my choice with confidence.
I ask myself why.
My internal investigation begins.
The result is obvious.
I decide to continue my trust with this alternate existence, and write. The dimensional desire overrides my personal preferences, self imposed judgements and linear logic and limitations.
So I sit here, right now, hearing an orchestra of clicking sounds from the keyboard as I type. Not knowing which way is the "right way" or "best way" to say, write and expose seemingly nothing at all, but those I may of interacted with in this strange land, and YOU, the reader, who resonates with the spaces between the words, the unsaid and unseen, just may understand this state and invisible offering.
And if for no one else but myself, the very action of writing this is a way to say...
I ACKNOWLEDGE. My mind may have "no idea" but that is not all I am.
You are welcome to GAZE at the ink blots above and below. See if any shapes or symbols arise. Notice them as chit chats, clues and keys from your psyche and psychic senses. Follow your own white rabbit if anything stands out, and maybe have your own awareness adventure while awake.
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