You think you know about hustling!?! Walk 10 metres in Cartagena in Columbia and learn that "hustle" has a whole new meaning. Within that 10 metres you will be offered everything from freshly sliced mango to "genuine" Ray Bans, cigars, football jerseys and everything in between!! Errrrrbody hustling to make a sale
"No Gracias!" is the most important sentence you'll use in Cartagena
Howrya, greetings from the beautiful old town of Cartagena (in case you hadn't gathered from the 2 times I've mentioned it above!). Here's my report on what the city has to offer. Now unlike many travel guides you might read mine is different in so far as I will meander wildly off topic frequently and not really provide any helpful insight on the city itself rather supplying you with anecdotal snapshots of my day. So it's definitely not to be relied on as an accurate travel companion/advice
Coffee number 1 - Oh my goodness the coffee!! I'm quite possibly the most caffeinated I've ever been in my life. Honestly I'm bouncing off the walls. Challenge me to a duel right now. I dare you. I'm the fastest human in the world right now.
Admittedly the coffee journey started poorly
A paltry banal offering was placed in front of me (worryingly/optimistically with a tiny satchet of white powder and a straw - hon columbia). It was decent but not what I was hoping for from a Columbian single origin coffee.
I was about to be disappointed until the bill came.
Then I was less disappointed - the coffee cost me 60p
SIXTY PENCE FOR A COFFEE.
The poor bean water was forgiven for it's banal taste and instead appreciated for it's caffeine. I moved on in search of more pungent and fulfilling experiences
Don't get your coffee in Gourmete
The next coffee stop was the one. The coffee of dreams. 2 Columbian hipsters with immaculate fashion (always a good start) took turns poking and prodding my coffee before serving it to me.
I had decided to blow the whole budget and go for a coffee 3 times the price of my previous venture
Oh my sweet barbara streisand was it worth it!! Might be possibly the best coffee I've ever had. So good I had 2 immediately (there's a good chance I don't sleep for 3 days)
In my broken spanish I tried to explain how wonderful these men were. After that failed I pointed at the coffee and sang a rousing rendition of Tina Turners "Simply the best"
I don't think they had a clue what I was doing or saying but they were polite and I was highly caffeinated so everyone left happy.
DO GET YOUR COFFEE IN "Sensation - local roasters"
Exploring
Now that 70 percent of my bloodstream was columbian Nuclear strength rocket fuel I left to explore the beautiful old town. Which is the only thing worth exploring in Cartagena. It's full of beautiful sights and sounds and tastes and colours.
The rest of the city is, how shall i put this delicately, a bit of a pile of shite. Yup, nailed the description.
The old town is everything you want from a columbian experience but venture out of it and you're met with litter filled streets, and litter filled beaches, and a litter filled ocean. Which is such a pity because there are beautiful flowers blooming everywhere and the place could be lush. But it's not. So stick to the old town!!
I took a hop on hop off bus ride but it wasn't worth it. Because as i've mentioned above - any time you hopped off in a place that wasn't the old town - it was a bit shite.
Mango's were good tho. Can't fault the Mangos (mangoes?) (Mangose) what the f*ck is the plural of mango.
And there you have it. The perfect travel guide to Cartagena, Columbia. Providing you with vague sporadic bits of information and general sweeping statements.
I'll probably write a travel book soon filled with all these helpful tidbits.
Drink the coffee and eat the mango(insert preferred plural ending here)s
Hope you're well.
I will be up late tonight
Stephen
P.s. Liz is still a legend (but somehow still desperately and hopelessly single so clearly not that much of a legend)