Along with being an author, I am many other things. One of the most important other jobs I have is being a mom. I have five beautiful kids, two Great Danes, and a handful of chickens and ducks. It brings me great joy to be a mom (chef, maid, chauffeur, nurse, therapist, etc.). I have put my writing on the back burner for the majority of my adult life. Not because of my kids, I was taught that my needs weren't important WAY before they were thought of. Over the last couple of years, my little family has encouraged me so very much to start writing again and to make it a priority in my life. My kids went out of their way to make sure they brought me snacks and coffee and their dad kept them entertained and fed throughout all of this. I was able to spend my time actually making my writing a priority. I was able to plan, write, edit, and rewrite an entire novel. AN ENTIRE 85,000 WORD NOVEL! Go me!
A little while later, when I found an editor, he reviewed a few pages and encouraged me even further. He was AMAZING. He liked what he read, he helped me, he gave me confidence; he totally did a bad ass job! I can't even pretend that I didn't have a panic attack when we first talked on the phone. I had never done this before! What was I supposed to say/do? Especially when you consider that this guy has been an editor for almost 30 years. I may or may not have also panicked when he finished it. It was finished and ready to be sent out. I was now the owner of an edited book. It was scary; SUPER scary. It was ready to be judged by agents and publishing houses to see if it was good enough to be printed.
Right around that time was when it started to dawn on me that I could be considered an author. No, I wasn't a published author (YET!) but I was an author. This was when my family started calling me an author as well. My seven year old told everyone she could, "My mom's an author!" To which I would try to morph into the floorboards with embarrassment. I went back and forth with my feelings. One day I would feel accomplished, the next I would feel like I was faking it. What makes a writer an author? A certain feeling? A certain amount written? Having an editor? Being published? I have no idea, but my kids didn't care about any of that. They knew I had finished a book and they didn't care if it was only printed out on computer paper and sitting in the corner of my desk. My kids considered me an author; end of discussion.
My seven year old decided one day recently that she wanted to see my book bound and printed like all the other books in the world. She would skip around the house and say, "I can't wait to read your book! I'm gonna read the whole thing. I bet it's amazing!" Be still my heart. It made me feel so much appreciation and joy. I just wanted to squeeze her little face off. How do I tell her that it's not a kids book? It's a romance with some bad parts and some sex. It's definitely not age appropriate, my little child. So sure, I'll let you take a picture with it when I get the first print, and then I'm gonna be hiding it!
I still have yet to explain to any of my children that their oldest sister (who is married and about to have her own daughter) is the only one of my children that I will be allowing to read my book right now. I don't want to break my seven year old's little heart or ruin her fondness of having a mom that is an author. Is that selfish of me? Maybe. I'm not in a hurry to give her a reason to stop skipping around the house singing my praises just yet. I don't know how to take that from her. I don't know how to look into her beautiful little eyes and say, "Mommy doesn't write for you. I write for adults, I write for me, I write big people books." So I guess I can probably drag this out for a little bit longer, and maybe enjoy skipping around the house with my little one. Then when I get that beautiful published copy, I'll have to tell her there's an age requirement to be one of mommy's readers but she can always be my biggest fan.