i checked if it will be like this from now on. i think it is finally here. spring. sun and warmth. skin. the beginning of sweat. the natural sweat of the body trying to keep cool, inescapable reminder that my body is labouring to stay alive. some nights ago i put on the fan for sleep, my feet peeked out from under the covers. i cannot remember the last time i did this. winter has felt so long, in particular last week, the coldest its been, where only in my bed and blanket i felt adequately safe to rest and be. and i slept, for long long hours, sometimes equivalent to my waking hours, sometimes a few times a day. so sudden and extreme, the weather. relentless rain and wind, then, sun. so fresh, so hot, so welcomed.
most if not all of my february was spent in taichung with yipeng, dreary and grey and cold and rainy the weather. after the quiet of lunar new year we started work to set up our exhibition at carp gallery. the exhibition spans the whole 3-storey building and basement and its the first time i did something of this scale. i realised although i am comfortable and know how to use my body i am still a beginner when it comes to manipulating materials. we worked with tubes, like the ones used to transport water, like a water hose, pulling almost 100m of it through the gallery's interior architecture and rooftop. for two weeks we worked through the day, using our hands and thinking and feeling out how to do what we wanted to do, collaborating, taking turns to motivate and affirm, then eating well and resting by playing video games and a good long sleep. i felt nourished every day and looked forward and when i look back now am surprised by my own resilience (or acceptance) of the winter cold.
the gallery has a lightbox outside that is used to put up each exhibition's poster. we decided to use the same tubes used in our exhibition to make a sculptural like 3d poster.
the exhibition「台中的水」or [water from taichung] has opened for two weeks now and will run for another four weeks till the end of march. part of our project requires a weekly ritual where yipeng carries potable water from his house in taipei (north of taiwan) then carries the potable water (and me) from my "house" in tainan (south of taiwan) then we bring these to taichung (middle of taiwan), where the gallery is and where we had met two years ago, and we put the water from the north and south through the singular water tube that runs through the whole infrastructure before being released below as the culminated water in the middle (of taiwan). so every week i am at the exhibition in taichung over the weekend to gallery sit and so far ive had to talk to friends and strangers about the work (which i hate). what ive learnt and had known is that this whole collaboration is essentially about our relationship, about us coming together to do something we are happy to manifest and share with those around us. more personally it feels like im celebrating and honouring these few years of my life, of making the decision and having the opportunity to come to taiwan and to meet the people here who are like a kind of family. and to have all these fully new experiences like collaborating and making at such a scale, feeling unlimited by resources, to cross cities frequently with long drives in yipeng's car, even to learn how to live and work with the cold and rain. i am thankful.
me being happy last weekend at the exhibition
i just paid my school fees for a new semester which just began last week. im remembering how my last semester ended with mixed feelings: do i feel nourished by my time in school? am i satisfied by this transient community? do i want to be here? the month away from school and now the weekly excursion out has and is giving me a renewed energy. when i was in college i came across the concept of the five love languages (organised by Gary Chapman, whom i just found out is a pastor from North Carolina?), that each and everyone communicates love differently and sometimes with the "wrong" language we become ineffective in communicating our love. i came to my own conclusion some years ago that there was an additional sixth: distance. i feel often when we are too close to something we lose a sense of perspective or even a sense of self. that the love we have for our subject wants to bring us very close but when we are too close we diminish, like icarus flying too close to the sun (even if its the sun i so love so deeply). i think love in its purest form is not to eradicate ourselves, at least not in this way, but to know when to offer and exchange what is most of ourselves with another, and when we become too much like the other, or allow ourselves to become subsumed by another, we lose that self, and we become unable to love proper. there are probably words other than distance. awareness. or maybe discipline. i am learning to maintain distance and awareness and discipline with/in school. i am (re)learning that we all came to the school (and to this earth) for different reasons and expectations, and i used to think why cant everyone else also care as much or in the same way (or so i perceive), but perhaps i should learn to honour their choices, and in turn honour mine. it feels healthier and more importantly i feel happier, though i suspect a big part of that probably has to do with the sun finally coming out. be careful not to fly too close!
我確認了是不是之後都會是這樣。我想好像終於來了。春天。太陽和暖和。皮膚。流汗的開始。身體為了想要保持涼爽而發出的汗，這逃避不了的提醒讓我知道身體正忙著努力生存。幾天前我開了風扇睡覺，腳底從被子裡凸出來。我不記得上次什麼時候這樣做了。冬天真的好久，特別是上週，最冷的時候，只有在被窩裡才能感覺到安全而休息而存在。我真的睡了，很久很久，有時候睡得跟醒得一樣時間，有時候一天睡好幾次。很突然也很極端，天氣。不留情的雨和風，讓後，太陽。那麼新鮮，那麼熱，那麼歡迎。
我大部分的二月是跟奕芃在台中度過的。那又淒涼又灰又冷又下雨的天氣。在安靜的過年後我們開始在鯉魚藝廊布展。展覽跨滿了整棟的三辰樓和地下室。這是我第一次做了那麼大的製作。我擦覺到雖然我對我自己的身體的運作很熟悉很舒服，但我對於使用和改造材料還算是新手。我們使用大約100米長的水管，把它串過建築內和屋頂。我們用了兩週就這樣每天用手做和思考直覺性的感覺怎麼做我們想做的，合作式的，輪流為彼此打氣認同，讓後好好吃飯和打電動休息和好好睡覺。我每天都覺得很充實和期待而現在回想到會對於自己的忍受（或接受）冬天的冷而感到驚奇。
藝廊外面有一個為了要放展期海報宣傳用的燈箱。我們很早就覺定要用展覽裡使用的水管來做這個有一點雕塑性的3d 海報。
展覽「台中的水」已開了兩週也會持續到三月底。我們的計劃內包括每週的一個儀式。奕芃會從他台北的家取可喝的水讓後來台南取我“家”可喝的水（和我），讓後我們再把這些水帶到在我們兩年前見面的台中，在那裡的鯉魚藝廊讓水從頂樓往下倒，往下流，讓它傳過串過整個建築的水管，讓後在下面放出來，成為台中的水。所以就這樣我每週末都會在台中顧展，我也會跟朋友和過路客分享這個製作（不喜歡）。我學到的和一向來就知道的是這個合作展覽其實就是跟我們的關係有關，是關於我們一起做一個我們想實現的計劃，而單純的想跟我們周邊的人分享這件事。我個人覺得這就像是在慶祝和尊重我這幾年的人生，慶祝做了來台灣這個決定而產生的機會和認識了這裡像親人的人。也慶祝擁有這些全新的體驗如合作和大製作，不被資源限制，能時時刻刻跟奕芃開車跨縣市，甚至是學到怎麼跟冷和雨共存工作。我對這些很感激。
上週末在展覽開心的我
我剛剛為了新學期的開始而繳了學費。現在回想到上學期結束時複雜的心情：我在學校的時間有感覺到充實嗎？我對於這短暫的社群滿意嗎？我有想在這嗎？上個月遠離學校和每週末能離開這裡給了我一個新的能量，讓我恢復自己。在大學時我接觸到了Gary Chapman 的愛的五個語言。概念是說每個人表達愛的方式都不一樣而有時候因為使用了“錯”的語言所以表達不出我們的愛。幾年前我自己擦覺到了其實有第六個語言：距離。我覺得通常當我們貼著一個東西太近時我們會開始失去視角或失去一個自我。我們對於對象的愛可能會讓我們想要很接近祂但當我們靠太近時我們會開始縮小，就像伊卡洛斯飛向太陽太近（即便是那我鍾愛的太陽）。我認為愛在它最單純最純粹的形式是不應該根除我們自己的，至少不是這樣，而愛要是知道何時提供和跟對象交換最自己最自我的自己。當我們變得太像那個對象時，或允許我們自己被對象吞食，我們會失去自我，而就沒辦法好好的愛。應該不只能用距離這個詞。意識。或是自律。我正在學習怎麼在學校裡或跟學校保持距離和意識和自律。我在學習大家來到學校（和這個世界）的理由和期待都是不一樣的。我之前會想為什麼其他人不能跟我一樣用一樣的方式在乎關心（我自己的觀察），但我可能要學習怎麼尊重他們的選者，而從中尊重自己的選者。這感覺更健康和更重要的是我更開心，雖然我懷疑這個新的開心可能是因為太陽終於出來了。那就小心不要飛得太近！