On this day, 17 months and a total of 519 days ago, l listened to a doctor I didn't trust. A medication I was allergic to was forced on me. If I didn't take it, they would have injected me with it. I'm saying this because they threatened to inject me if I didn't take it. I would have been in trouble for not listening to what the doctor wanted.
August 29th, 2021 I experienced a trauma that put me in a position where I had to get help. Little did I know, that asking for help would lead me to more trauma, medical abuse, and now an illness that I have been fighting for 519 days. My life isn't just anxiety, depression, and manic episodes anymore. To add to my mental illness I also fight paralysis, seizures, chronic pain, migraines, loss of vision, loss of hearing, loss of speech, loss of concentration, inability to comprehend, tics, tremors, abnormal movements, bladder/bowel issues, difficulty swallowing, sensory overload, dystonia, head tingling, vertigo, and other symptoms. These are physical symptoms I deal with but what else?
Becoming disabled has affected me in so many ways. I lost my physical health, mental health, my 2 jobs, my business, my ability to go to school, friends, driving abilities, living alone, and my independent life. I lost my will to be alive. I still ask myself every day why I deserve to go through this. I still question what I did wrong. It's hard to think whether I'd be in a better position if I didn't go into the hospital or if I would be dead.
September 2021 and the rest of the year was the absolute worst time of my life. I had so many "firsts" that I never expected to have. I was locked in a facility with doctors and nurses shoving medication down the throats of patients, I rode in the back of a cop car when they transferred me to a new facility, I was dropped on the floor by a physical therapist who was told I was faking my paralysis, I was dropped on the floor by EMTs who "didn't know" I was paralyzed, I rode in an ambulance, and the list goes on. It is so important to me, to remind all of you that YOU HAVE A VOICE.
I was shut down. I was blocked. I was interrupted. I was yelled at. I was gaslit. I was belittled. I was abused. I was silenced. They took my voice from me. They stomped me so far into the ground. I am telling you all of these things I wish I didn't have to tell anyone, but I am doing it because I want you to know YOU have a voice. I hear you. I will listen to you and I will fight for you. Stand up for yourself and know your rights. We have to keep fighting. We can't let this be the future.
519 days ago I was stuck in a facility with condescending and gaslighting nurses and doctors who worked in a MENTAL HEALTH FACILITY. Please tell me how this makes sense. There were maybe a handful of people that actually cared for their patients and cared about their quality of health and life. The main doctor was not that person, the main doctor is the reason I can't get proper treatment to this day. I have been denied at least 8 neurology referrals at this point. I have a neurological disorder, but I can't get a neurologist. It makes perfect sense, right? This doctor repeatedly told me my paralysis was caused by anxiety. This doctor told me when they put me on the right medication I would walk. He told me it was all in my head and to stop thinking about it. He said "You can leave when you walk out."
Instead of living a fulfilled and healthy life, I am stuck fighting for my life and fighting for proper care because of these asshole doctors who ruined my life and got away with it. I have to go to sometimes 10 appointments a week with a minimum of 4 because of this malpractice. Yes they got away with it and YES I tried to fight it.
The following statements need to STOP. This isn't about just me. This is about all patients. Do your damn job and run the tests.
"Your condition isn't real."
"It's all in your head."
"It's all psychological."
"You're just faking it"
"You're seeking attention."
"Just get up and walk."
I don't care if you genuinely think a patient is faking it. You have no idea what someone is going through. You don't know what their body is physically or mentally feeling. Your job is to find the problem. Show some compassion and listen. Our symptoms are not psychological.
When you ask for help from those who are sworn to that path, you deserve to receive it, mental health or physical it shouldn't matter. Our medical system needs to do better. Our medical system needs help. If you are burnt out from your job, then leave because you are causing more harm than good.
With love always, Aspen Sage 💗✨
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