I think I'm learning more and more about Functional Neurological Disorder every day. Today I am learning to rest. You'd think I'd know how to rest after being in a wheelchair for over 4 months now.. but that's not the case.
Last night was so good for my heart and so good for my soul. I had a Birthday "do over" last night. After I was hospitalized last time we cancelled my party/get-together because we were expecting me to be hospitalized for a while again.
I had a lot of anxiety going into last night because it was the first time I was seeing certain people since I've been in a wheelchair; some people I hadn't seen in years! I don't know if it's that I feel like I'm constantly being judged or I'm just not used to people seeing me this way but I'm happy to say that it went well.
I was honestly shocked at how many people stopped by to see me. I'm not much into large gatherings but I try to host 1-2 bigger events/parties/hangouts a year but I don't usually have a good turn out and it's usually just like effort and anxiety for nothing anyways..
I have a really mixed group of friends, probably because my parents are my best friends so their friends are my friends.. but everyone refers to me as an old soul or the gypsy child. I really don't hang out with people my age but I do hang out with all of the different ages. I stress over everything and I worry about how everyone feels but I'm happy with how last night went and I hope I made everyone smile like they made me. I'm so happy to have such a sweet, kind, caring, loving, support system because not everyone has that.
We met at a "fancy food court" that had many food options and a bar. It was a good idea so people didn't feel pressured to stay in one place. We were only there for a little over 3 hours but I feel like I did well. Mentally and physically. I didn't have many tics and luckily I didn't have a seizure or I'd never host an event again.
Last night was fun but today I am feeling it. I don't even know what time we got home last night, it was sometime after 9 but not super late. I felt like I lost all of my "spoons" just getting ready yesterday, but I was definitely down to negative "spoons" by the time I got home. I guess I was grabbing from today's.
I'm typing this and it's 10am and I still haven't gotten out of bed. My head is killing me, my body aches worse than it did after my first chiropractor appointment, my hands are back to tingling/pins&needles, my arms are barely moving, I'm dizzy, shaky, etc. etc. So today I need to rest and recover.
You really have to learn to choose your battles. I loved seeing everyone last night but I know that isn't something I can handle once a week, once a month, or even every other month. I know myself enough to know that big group gatherings are MAYBE a twice a year thing for me. I would be in the bath today if I could, but my bed will do for now.
Take care of yourself and learn to rest and recover when you need to.
With love always, Aspen 💗