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Jekyll and Hyde

Mar 06, 2021

I keep memories of you buried deep within my core

Buried so deep not even a lock and key can access them.

Memories that were once happy times

But now a painful reminder of who you are

And what you’ve done

Your smile;

It captivated me

Your personality;

It calmed me

Your words;

They hypnotized me

If only for a little while

Only until you began to show your true self

Your true self is one you kept concealed

One I tried to know

Its as if you were playing hide and seek with yourself.

Evading the truth at all costs

Digging the hole deeper each time

The lies spewed out of your mouth like continuous, uncontrollable vomit

And I was your bucket

On the receiving end of your projectile verbal nonsense

Your frivolous little threats were a game I wasn’t willing to play

But that was only the beginning

I began to see the real you

You were Dr. Jekyll

But I saw Mr. Hyde

The voices of my inner person;

My intuition

Relentlessly made themselves present

A disconcerting feeling always followed

Smitten for the man who gave me butterflies;

Who made me laugh

But fearful of the man who threatened me;

Who warned me not to talk to any other males

Who warned others to stay away from me.

Fearful of the man who walked me home at night

Who knew where I lived

Who could have put my life in danger

Not knowing he was not who he said he was

Fearful of the man who kissed me time and time again without my consent

Who persisted even when told no

Who grabbed my hands and held them like we’re an item

Who lied about his age

Too blinded by feelings to know something was wrong

Too overwhelmed by what I thought was happiness to know it was anything but

Still, my inner voice alerts me to something wrong

I try to silence her;

Until that day

Waiting for you, my emotions become louder than ever

Euphoric; the feeling of being in a fairytale

Nervousness; the reoccurring butterflies

Happiness ; the feeling when I saw you and your smile coming towards me

Abruptly Those childish feelings of seeing your crush come to a halt

My heart feeling like its being swallowed by hungry dogs

A feeling of confusion

Everything I thought I knew about you proved to be wrong in a matter of seconds

You are a snake in human form

The lowest of the low

I let you bite me time and time again

But the last time proved venomous

You dug your grave

And lay in it too

So lay there and rot for eternity;

There’s no digging yourself out of this mess

You caused a pain in me ocean deep

My trust in you;

In anyone

Is scarce

My pillow;

It catches the tears I cry because of you

My heart;

It stores millions of emotions I’m too afraid to talk about because of you

My brain;

It’s relentlessly running on a high

Questions haunt me recurrently

Running through my brain like a hamster on a wheel

Grappling with my self destructive thoughts that what you did to me is my fault

Grappling with the fear you are waiting for me

While you continue with your life

Your remorse is minimal at best

The butterflies I once had are replaced by a dark feeling in my soul

They died along with my feelings for you

I keep memories of you buried deep within my core;

Buried so deep not even a lock and key can access them

But occasionally there are exceptions

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