Something I’ve been prioritizing recently is being present.
Like…truly, truly present.
Shutting off all the regrets and painful memories from the past, and allowing myself to step into my ideal future by choosing who I want to be second after second, rather than daydreaming about what I long for all day long.
To put it more simply, I’m actively working on consciously living ONE life instead of living two or three at once unconsciously.
While I’m getting better at staying “empty” throughout the day, I still have moments where my mind wanders into a future that doesn’t exist yet, and may NEVER exist.
The old stress, anxiety, and pain that used to haunt the majority of my days begins to creep back in and consume my entire being…
All over events that aren’t even real.
There are so many things that I want to achieve and experience in the near future. From love, career, moving to a whole ‘nother country…
So I hold the bigger vision of what I desire in my heart, and focus on executing the little things daily.
Some things are completely out of my control, and I have no other choice but to trust that what I want will arrive at the proper time. As for the things I can control…
For my manuscript, it’s working on one small thing, like writing dialogue one day and then the next, filling in narration for a chapter I haven’t written yet. If it’s feeling too difficult to bring myself to do even that, I’ll just review edits from my editor. Regardless of what I do, I’m a tiny bit closer to completing my book than I was yesterday. And that’s what counts.
Gone are the days where I beat myself up for not devoting more time to writing everyday. What I do is absolutely enough.
When it comes to learning Korean, I focus on only a few lessons a day, really focusing on writing down every new word and sentence…speaking words aloud…absorbing. Instead of trying to complete as many modules as I can in the quickest amount of time, I surrender all my presence to the language.
Every day, I’m witnessing myself becoming a little bit better than I was the day before. And it’s all thanks to presence and patience. I I know where I’m ultimately headed. My only job is to show up and show up again every second of the day.
I wouldn’t say I’m #blessed and high on life all day long. My goal is no longer to be happy, as I’m come to accept that all positive and negative emotions are too fleeting to form any attachments to.
But I would say that I’m thankful for the discipline I’ve cultivated, and am at peace with where I’m at most of the time. I take pleasure in my external creations, but don’t cling to them for my self-worth.
Most importantly, I’m learning how to appreciate the small acts of love and service that make life what it is a whole lot more.