Buy this potion! Be 100% less tired!
Drink this tonic! Cure your existential dread!
Conduct this ritual in just the right order and you're sure to make all your dreams come true!
Humans are silly sometimes, but we aren't purposely illogical. If there is an easier or faster way to get through or avoid struggle sign us up. That doesn't make us lazy. That makes us evolutionarily adept. Capitalizing on mystical cure-alls perk up our survival instincts because what if this stuff actually works!?
But...
What if the struggles we seek to avoid are actually the prescriptions for what ails us? As with any intervention, the miracle lies in getting the dose just right. Too much struggle can be just as soul-crushing as too little, and all bodies metabolize difficult situations in different ways.
Peopling feels really difficult sometimes. And then many people go forth to care for children- new people, who are also figuring out how to people in their own ways. The world is nothing but matter and energy, and as we are entirely made up of those worldly things. People are just matter propelled around by energy. This feels complicated when we assign emotions and morals to states of energy, but here is the simple math:
Filling our tanks, buckets, or cups looks different for all of us. Things like good food, sleep, activities we enjoy, quality time with people we love, and a sense of purpose can do the job of replenishing our energy stores. Struggles, challenges, trauma, and all the messy experiences of being alive are only survivable when our tanks have enough energy to move us through to the other side. Without the momentum of what fuels us, we are likely to wallow, seize up, or stall out. Here is another equation:
This little cutie is new! Their fancy new tank is fresh off the assembly line and Peanut has the whole world to look forward to... and practically no idea how to monitor, fill and maintain their energy tank. Most of the time, these helpless creatures are assembled by two Adult Persons, passionately dedicated to lending assistance.
Some new math has happened to these Adult Persons over the last 9 months. Adult P has probably begun to realize that their old habits and refueling techniques won't be super helpful in keeping Peanut alive. They're going to have to do some learning and shuffling to care for their energy and Peanut's simultaneously. There will be emotions involved. Meanwhile, Adult M is processing some similar emotions. They may also be faced with the task of assembling, birthing, and feeding little Peanut at the same time. If Adult P and Adult M are part of a supportive community, they may be lucky enough to take some insights and tips from other Parental Persons. But if they're like the majority of Western Culture, they've been isolated by their age, stage, and nuclear family. Aside from some highly stylized imagery they may have picked up through popular media, they have no idea what they're in for.
Is it any wonder that early childhood results in a confusing, stressful, and exhausting time? The shift from independence to interdependence leaves most parents overwhelmed with the daily tasks they once executed effortlessly. Mainstream media shows romantic images of family life, but leaves no guide or system to follow out of the mundane struggle. Adult Persons aren't even supposed to talk about the challenges they're facing, let alone ask for help handling them. They've always been able to muscle through before... what could be so hard about it now?
These internal Energy Tanks are highly individualized and entirely invisible. The only way we can possibly imagine how another Person is Personing is by asking and then listening. Sharing how we are doing is hard. Sometimes it's hard because we don't even know we are nearing empty. Sometimes it's hard because we don't know how to refill our tanks, even though we want to. Sometimes the process of filling our tanks is hard because someone once told us we should always keep our gauges to ourselves because it's a pain in the ass to be around People who can't take care of themselves and just whine about it all the time.
So here we are. As a collective we are experiencing more and more drains on our energy reserves, less opportunities to share our energy openly with others, and very few models of asking for help. People are walking around starving for many different forms of energy, but trying to fill up their tanks with money - if they're even able to get ahold of that.
There is good news. The world is still full of energy. It's brimming with it. So here is my proposal:
When we reach for that morning Coffee Potion, we need to infuse it with support. It's not a lot, but even multivitamins need to be administered daily. If you're not able to drink your morning potion with someone you care about, consider reaching out virtually to let someone know how you're doing and ask them how they're doing. This doesn't have to be about solutions, but it should be about exchanging the energy of care.
When it's time for that lunchtime Tonic of tea or second cup of coffee (I'm not judging, you do you, boo) we need to steep it in connection. If you've gotta eat anyway, you might as well make it count. For the time it takes to brew a cuppa, consider connecting with yourself and your energy levels. Once you've gotten the hang of checking in on you, you can practice connecting with others. Even if all you've got the time for is 2 minutes of mindfully acknowledging you're hungry, the time and Tonic will not be wasted. Again, this isn't about solutions. You might not have access to the energy you need to top off in the middle of the work day, but if you connect with your needs you're more likely to address them when you get the opportunity.
Rituals are a little more challenging to consume because they tend to require time. Instead of burdening our schedules with additional actions, I'm proposing ritualizing the things we need to do anyway. What would laundry look like if we could celebrate a few hours of community while we paired socks? How much easier would meal prep be if it was a standing date between friends? Even if it is only possible over the interwebs.
The energy crisis is happening all around us and the struggle to function through it only gets more challenging when we ignore how we are investing our resources. So let's get honest. How is your tank these days? What potions, tonics, and rituals are you depending on? Do you have everything you need?
If you found this post helpful, I'm glad! Please consider commenting, liking, and following my Buy Me a Coffee Page. It's free to do so! If you would like to participate in the earliest stages of Bonus Room's Gift Economy, I would appreciate a monthly contribution of $5. Bonus Roomies who support me with $5 or more not only get new writings blasted over to their email, they help me invest more time and resources in doing what I'm most passionate about - building a prosocial community for children and their caregivers. Many thanks! Fill your tanks!