This is a stream of consciousness journal entry I found while filing away my notebooks from 2022. I have posted them because I was reminded about these thoughts in an entry by Kel over on Swimming Upstream. I am always so tickled when the two of us, separated by geography but connected by the internet arrive at very similar crossroads while we move through our parenting journeys. There are a lot of questions, and some of these things don't make sense, but brains are like that sometimes. Happy New Year.
Slow Food vs. Urban Life
doesn't the average citizen deserve wholesome sustenance, even with their busy schedule?
How can we remove the time constraints involved in slow food?
small processors? cottage business? seasonal shifts? division of labor?
Easy access to more sustainable options through community involvement.
I've been using grocery delivery apps a lot during the pandemic.
Everytime I do, I feel a little guilty.
Expense. Workers rights. Gas.
Convenience foods. Multi-tasking
Mom guilt
Do the dishes
Vacuum the floor
Is the laundry folded?
Is packaged salad The Problem?
Am I wasting my time? Am I doing enough?
"You cannot actually waste time. You can only spend it."
- Me to Lindsey, quoted back to me, because I forgot I even said this.
Why am I so tired? Am I lazy?
Why can't I stay motivated to keep our house in order?
Do you suffer from analysis paralysis? When did you notice it? Was it coping? Is it helpful? How do you step outside your rut of current understanding in order to begin a new trail? What stories help? What chemistry is at play? We are what we continually do. Can you recognize yourself in the doing? are you disguised as a prop? Moved around by forces outside yourself? Are you masked as a villain in your own story? Or the Hero in someone else's story while your tale lies untold?
This journal entry is a reminder to get back on with the story I was born to live. A reminder; that rut is not the route. A reminder it's just a risky to fall off the platform as it is to jump-- as long as I can trust my strength, I can't be sure how far I can jump until I miss the first time.
This is a reminder that I have many nets below me. Wouldn't want to waste them.
And no one shows up to watch underwater jugglers riding whales at the bottom of the ocean. I guess not until someone dreams that dream, anyway.