It's almost May, the 5th month of the year.
I've been stable for 4 months and I've always known that it will not be long until my rapid-cycling Bipolar cycle begins again.
Yesterday, it started with an ugly and almost-out-of-breath crying over things undeserving of any attention. But that's just the thing with triggers they come from anywhere (or nowhere). And the mental pain they carry are unreasonable and merciless. If they had hands, they will pull out a gun and shoot you in the head at point-blank. But the most painful part is you don't die. You'll be in a perpetual pain and conscious the entire time. The crying went on for 6 hours straight while working (thank goodness for WFH setting)!
Today, I woke up late in the afternoon with the mysterious yet familiar pain running through my entire body. Again, it's a neurobiological disorder and how it operates is still very much a mystery. It manifests differently from time-to-time and definitely a case-to-case basis. There are also too many variables to take in consideration. But one thing is crystal clearl --it sucks!
As expected, I lost my appetite too. I've been forcing myself to eat since yesterday. I've had two meals so far. Not bad. But plates are pilling in the sink that look at lot like the pile of unread messages in my inbox.
This usually lasts for two weeks. I'm still writing this, so I'm still kinda okay. No need to worry. But I feel like my writing is even sloppier than usual. Hehe. It may gradually get worse for the next 12 days or so. So please, don't take it personally if I reply late, slow or won't reply at all.
To the good people I have made commitments with please know, I'm not breaking my word, I just need a break. No, I will not stop. But I will just be slower. Please bear with me.
I'm very grateful, I'm still able to write this note. At least when the cycle happens again, I'll just re-share this. Haha! And maybe this will be helpful for people who struggle similarly but couldn't express or articulate. May this serve you well.
Sending you light! ✨✨✨✨✨