Jun 03, 2021
2 mins read
As a pansexual and demisexual creator, pride month is important to me - I figured now is as good a time as any to share my coming-out story with all of you, especially in the wake of a whole new batch of followers!
So I was raised in a southern baptist home with eleven younger siblings. Those of you that aren't familiar with southern baptist, it is about as cultish and hyper-religious elitist you can get. VERY sexist, homophobic, racist... You name it, they got it. My siblings and I were always constantly surrounded by people exactly like us, never able to or allowed to branch out and have relationships with people who weren't "holy enough." Life seemed really black and white in this sheltered existence... To top it all off, there was a lot of abuse going on from my mother.
It wasn't until I got out into the real world that I realized just how little I knew about myself and the world. I met my husband where I was working at the time. We started dating and then eventually moved in together.
Honestly, the funny part of all this is how simple it was... We were just having a conversation about how attractive different bodies are and why. We started talking about boobs and after a while of listening to me, he gave me a look and said "Babe... I just want you to know, a straight person absolutely does not think about other women like that."
It blew me away.
I think a lot of the repression of myself came from being threatened by my mother so often (ie. "if I find out you are gay, I will track you down and kill you.") and it took more courage than I knew I had in me just to get away. I am still struggling as I move down the paths of trying to find myself and figure out who I am and what I want in life.
But this was the opening of the door for me.
The beginning of a lot of things. Realizing I was pansexual led me to make a lot of final pushes that I had been too scared to make before - I was able to finally step away from Christianity and realize I was in fact an atheist who loves witchcraft. I was able to get back into writing again, after almost three years of nothing. I started being honest about my mental health and realized I have both bipolar disorder and ADHD. I even started understanding and becoming more firm in enforcing my boundaries.
Pride gave me a piece of myself I didn't realize I needed - a piece of me I had never been allowed to have or express as a child. I'm here learning a little at a time how to live my best life... And I like to think the younger version of me would be proud of who I am today.
This month is important to me because it's a time I can reflect on how Pride made me who I am in so many ways. And it is my hope that I can help you become who you are too.
Yours, C.M. Wells (aka, Merry)