Jan 05, 2022
1 mins read
My all or nothing attitude has been getting in the way of me writing here recently. I over the holidays, my mom texted me and uninvited me to Christmas because of what ive been writing on my blog and Facebook. It’s made me feel unsafe knowing that ive willingly put out this information that my family would rather keep a secret. Is it selfish of me to “blast my problems online?” I’m not doing it out of malice. Im just tired. I want to release all this darkness inside of me. I reel like just clinging to small threads at this point when it comes to my family. Should I break away for good? I don’t want to stop talking to my brother though. I’m worried he’ll feel like I’ve abandoned him. He doesn’t deserve to be in the middle of all of it. I try to keep him out of the drama between my parents and I but sometimes my curiosity about what my parents have been saying about me, get the best of me and I end up asking Flynn to tell me what they’ve been saying. It’s awful. I feel so guilty. I’ve been avoiding talking to him because I don’t know what to say. I’m sad. I miss him more than anything. it’s easier sometimes to pretend he doesn’t exist because acknowledging his existence means opening up the door to missing someone painfully and I’m worried that I won’t be able to handle the pain. Just writing about it is making me feel queasy.