Trigger Warning: Self Harm/Suicidal IdeationI’m back again. Back here on the Internet, crying out like a fool for likes and metaphorical thumbs up. I fear I may disappear completely if I don’t start writing things down. I don’t even know what I feel. Other than sad. And empty. I want life to grow inside of me again. (Not like a pregnancy…more like a fire…I guess?) I’ve been plotting my death for so long that it feels like second nature to have suicide in my... more

How am I feeling? Disgustingly neutral. Just plain old average. Bored. I feel emotionless. I cried this morning but it wasn’t the kind of cry that diverges from deep inside your chest. It was a dry, desert cry.

I want to escape into the world of The Magicians forever. Some might say I’m an addict. My drug of choice is fiction. Stories in any form. That’s what I love. I love disappearing into another world entirely and seeing through the eyes of someone else.I don’t read as much as I used to. I’ve started to again though. I have one season left of The Magicians on Netflix and my parents booted me out of their account (which fair enough, it’s about time I get my own... more

❤️‍🩹Trigger Warning: Suicidal Ideation❤️‍🩹~~~~~Sometimes I want to die. That’s the truth. I wonder if that will forever be a reality of mine.I’m worried my fatal flaw is caring too much. Or not enough. And nothing in between.I can’t seem to get a sturdy grip on reality. It seems life is constantly slipping through my fingers like quicksand. I’ve been watching Euphoria and it’s been shocking to see how much I have in common with the main... more

I’m trying to figure something out to do with this blog. I don’t want it to just be me venting about shit. That’s boring. And I don’t want it to be just an absolute mindfuck of an experience. But then again, that’s kind of my truth. Anne said something the other day that resonated with me about not coming to terms with the fact that I’m a messy goblin of a human being. And that’s okay. My brain works differently than other peoples. It sometimes... more