I'm just happy to be honest. I am absolutely and utterly in love with the Ascension duology. Last night I realized two things. The first is that it really hit home just how much I understand what people mean when they say they "live and breathe (something)". I absolutely live and breathe writing. I don't know what to do with myself when I can't write or even can't write fast enough.
The other thing is I think I realized why I used to be upset when there would be no interest in my books. It wasn't because of money (although yes, that's a goal obviously), it was because of how much I fall in love with my characters.
I was depressed for about three days straight because of something Kena was going through in TAR. A couple of days ago I skipped ahead to the part where it gets better for her, just so I could get it out of my system.
But I'm still a bit down in the dumps for a different reason. And that reason is, I know when TAR is published and I have to move onto a different book, I'm leaving Kena and the other MC behind. And it hurts. That's not hyperbole-- when I think of having to leave them behind, it physically makes my chest ache.
So when I get so attached to my characters and fall so in love with them, it's like... Well, say you're really excited about something and it means a lot to you, and you're excitedly talking to someone else about it and they just brush it off. It hurts. It's not a monetary thing, but a "Hey, this is a piece of myself that I want to share with you." I want other people to be able to experience my worlds and characters and fall in love with them as I have.
But, as mentioned in other posts, I have stopped letting that get me down. Sure, it would be great if other people would indeed want to experience them, but my joy of writing is most important.
It is driving me crazy to have to wait almost two months to publish the first. I want to publish it sooner, but I really would prefer to do proofs and beta reading first, and the only dang thing stopping me so far has been a lack of money.
I'm just happy. I love The Ascension Trial and its sequel, I love Kena, I love the other MC (hidden 'cause spoilers). I am now 100% sure that this duology has taken Emergent's crown as my favourite.
I swear to heck if this shit doesn't get made into a movie before I die I'm gonna come back to haunt some producers.