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Moonday Magic #4

Moonday Magic #4

Jan 10, 2022

Good morning angels, and happy Gregorian New Year! It's been... a minute. I really didn't want to commit to anything during the holidays. They were a weird time. I kept meaning to write, but I've been a touch distracted lately, and trying really hard to remain focused on pressing tasks.

One reason I'm back is because I like using these posts as a writing warm up for my day, and sometimes for my week. It's nice to just WRITE. I never start these posts with an intention or a plan of what I'm going to talk about. I usually just let it flow, and then if I pull cards, those will indicate what I need to address. It's a system. I think it works.

Sometimes I think that maybe I should try to approach tasks and work with more of a structured routine. Or just any structure whatsoever. But finding structure and trying to comply to a certain structure ends up making me stagnate, leaving me unsure and a bit overwhelmed. That's been a common theme for the past month or so.

In case you missed it on Instagram (briefly mentioned in a story), I'm writing a book. It's my dream. It's the job I've always wanted, and it's through a combination of hard work and sigil-making that I'm here. I'm grateful. But writing a book is... really fucking hard. I keep reminding myself that some of the most worthwhile things are difficult. Losing my job because of COVID was difficult, but it pushed me into doing art and witchcraft full time. Moving across the country was difficult, but it's proving to be one of the best decisions my husband and I have ever made. It's all been worth doing, even though it's been scary. So I keep writing. I keep committing by signing my contracts, getting my ducks in a row so that I can get paid, and I keep writing. Do I spent half of my time thinking "OH GOD. I think my editor made a terrible mistake"? Yes. Do I keep having moments where I think about pulling out and just returning to... whatever the other option is? Absolutely. But, like any self-respecting artist who has been in this game for a while, I acknowledge that this is part of the experience. Self-doubt is a part of it. What artists among us haven't had moments where they look at their work and think "the world is making a mistake. I'm making a mistake."

The key is to not let that inner saboteur win. The key is to keep pushing through, because you're already this far. You've already done so much work to get to this point, so why not keep on working through it? Why not keep pushing through? The reward is going to be better than the safety of returning to comfort and the known.

This experience of writing a book has been an exercise in discomfort. I've been confronted by a sense of discomfort more times than I can count. But lately, I've been encountering some helpful things. The most reassuring was when I started reading Dreaming The Dark by Starhawk, and read this opening line:

"Writing this book has been more difficult than anything I have ever undertaken before."

I'm not alone in this discomfort, and this fear, and this extremely difficult task. The thing about writing a book, is that it's like any creative endeavor; people will brush it off as something that anyone can do. Someone will look at a Jackson Pollock painting and dismissively say, "My five year old could do that. I could do that."

Maybe. Who knows. The point is, they didn't do it. Jackson Pollock did. If it was easy, everyone and their dog would be an artist. Everyone would be a writer. We need creative individuals, because we need art and we need beautiful things that are interesting, thought provoking, interesting, and weird. We need creative individuals and makers and writers because they are the ones who have the ability to make these things that sustain us.

If you're an artist, keep making art. If you're a writer, keep writing. If you do anything that is dismissed, keep doing it. It is hard. It is incredibly difficult, and at times, it feels like it's not worth doing. It is worth doing. Anything you feel called to do is worth doing. Your talents are needed, and your contribution to the world is necessary. And others see it. Others value your work, and recognize your hard work and how much you've done to create this thing that is now in the world, making people happy, sad, angry, thoughtful, or whatever.

Keep it up, kiddo. You're doing the good work.

Now that I've given us, myself included, a pep-talk, I'm going to get back to writing my book. Love you lots, and I'll talk to you next week.

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