Well, this is a place for me to be me. To be open and honest and thoughtful. To document the intricacies of life, existence, and being. I think life can be ugly. More ugly for some than others of course. The ugliness of existence presses my heart hard. It makes life dark for me. I began to see things in black and white. I began to despise tomorrow. I had no real reason to hate being alive, I just did. I think it is because I felt like I was on a blind sprint toward death. I am sure we will unpack more of this later. Actually, let's do it now. Because I think it is important to talk about. Okay, these next words have a lot of weight to them. BUT it is okay. I am working toward healing.
My name is Darian and I struggle with depression and suicide. Most of this stems from an overwhelming thought that our earthly existence is borderline meaningless. I'll talk about my journey of learning about it and accepting it later. So what have I done about it? Well, I decided to think about why I am here. And I came to the conclusion that the most beautiful thing you can do is have a positive impact on other people's life. To make someone feel alive or needed or at peace or less pain or happy or smile or supported or motivated or literally anything they need to endure another day into the beauty of tomorrow. I hope.
I have been told by someone I hold close to me that I have a way with words. That I can say powerful things. I doubt it. I think I was lied to. But I am gonna trust her. I am gonna trust that people are good and wish good on others. I am gonna trust her more than the inner demons that talk to us all. I am gonna go ahead and inspire my-damn-self for once and commit to being authentic.
Cuz someday I am gonna die anyway. And none of it is really gonna matter. So ill spread love and I'll try to be good. And I'll do as I please, respectfully.