I was today years old when I realized that writing is something I that distracts me from the world and I can actually stay focused on it. Everything else, my mind shoots around like I have ADHD. I can NEVER focus because my mind always goes to things like...
"I'm literally just a series of chemical reactions.."
and "how does caffeine work"
and literally, today when I was trying to get some things done "even if we forget about how the world came to the existence or how much time passed since we came into existence, there is still eternity left. like now that existence is here and now that I am present in this moment, there is an eternity from here on out. If you compare my 48 years to the eternity that exists after, our days on earth are so minuscule it's humorous." (Hope I didn't scare you away.) Now, just because I have a thought, does not mean I believe it right away. I usually have to dwell on something before I decide if I agree with it. And this is going to be a place for me to work through those kinds of thoughts. So I guess you will peek inside my brain as I work through the complexities of life. Wait that's why I started this. haha, sick I'm right on track.
I was asked what makes me happy. To some people, this is hard for them to figure out. I spend a lot of time thinking (probably too much), so of course, I have thought about this a lot. I really started to think about this when I was in the deeper pits of my depression. I hated being alive. I hated going through the day. I thought life was meaningless so how is there much to enjoy at all. Maybe if I didn't think so damn much I wouldn't have come to that conclusion. Alas, here we are. So what was my conclusion? Well, I loved medicine because I could positively impact people's lives. So I was going to pursue medicine. Nursing school and med school probably. That's how I was gonna help people. One patient at a time. Then when working with Streignth I found out I can help change lives by the masses. I can inspire and make a difference in the mental health world. I can do things like say "My name is Darian Doan and I struggle with depression and suicide" and make someone else feel less lonely.
As I typed that I felt uncomfortable. I think about what people would think about me. Assume about me. I think it'll negatively impact people's opinion of me. But you know what. I'll speak up cuz I have been there. I am still there sometimes. It's lonely. This BLOWS my mind because we are all in pain and alone and struggling with our own issues that people don't see. Yet we are ALL too scared of peoples opinions to say anything. I'd rather be here, with whatever your opinion of me maybe, than dead and silent.
So what kind of life would make me happy? One in which I wake up in the morning, and do what I want to do, while positively impacting people's lives as much as I possibly can. I will spend my life pursuing my passions and helping others do the same. I'm not perfect or amazing at anything. But I believe I can accomplish what I commit myself to. Just as I believe you can accomplish what you commit yourself to.
Live YOUR life and break the mold society puts on you.