I'm listening to a Twilight playlist as I am writing this post. I just took a shower, looked over my to-do list and sighed. I haven't been in my best mental state lately, always scraping myself off the bed, sulking and pushing anyone who ever shows a sign of concern, crying for hours and even in front of people... But somewhere deep inside this shell, there's something I still treasure like a child's first shiny toy. And it's writing. Shitty writing and flowing enthralling prose, just all of it makes my cheek warm as if I'm promised eternal bliss.
I'm worried that writing takes up so much space in my life though. I've been neglecting my assignments, sitting paralyzed hours on end scrolling through passages I had written many months ago, postponing working on my master's applications, sometimes even writing itself. The idea of writing became such a big wound in my head that there's not much room left to actually practice and put words on any kind of surface. This is why I'm doing this, forcefully pressing the keyboard until some half-baked sentence appears on the screen, even it's really bad. I have been brooding over this idea for some time: to use this page as a digital diary to create accountability or just let go of the things I dare not tell anyone ever and find some clarity at the end of the long tunnel. Sometimes they overlap, but it's okay. We're both internet strangers and kindred spirits after all. (And I'm sorry that I haven't updated here since August, really irresponsible of me.)
So this is my new stepping stone on which I will be performing my best and worst tricks. I will try to write and post regularly about my writing updates, what I have been doing with my miserable days (for my days are really miserable indeed), and I will hope to talk to you beyond my screen. I don't want to promise a linear consistency but I really want to give this a shot. Nothing to lose, no consequences, just floating like a frog on a water lily. All the posts will be public but if you want to support this broke writer, I wouldn't say no obviously.
I hope you'll visit me often. Here's a painting I've been looking a lot lately:
Adieu,
DA.