Okey! I am writing this right after a nap, a sunday. but... What does this have to do with the article? You will see.

I've been collecting information for a week, organizing ideas, talking to people. but above all making excuses no to write. Why? Procrastination? Maybe. Lack of inspiration?... I could take any of these as a excuse, but it's fear.

Being more exact, fear of rejection. So this is something common in young people (funny because i write it like I am old lol) But this fear does not only manifest with your crush, no, when you do not launch your business or idea to the market, when you do not do the casting, when you don not study arts because everyone in your family is an engineer. Then are just few expressions of fear of rejection and obviously I do not have a definitive formula against this, I can only write from my experience.

Fear manifests itself in many ways and this affects current relationships. But Why do i focu on relationships? Well... maybe it is because I am on that stage after a break up, The grief, and when i started this i decided that all my articles to be as real as possible and the other reason is that I am a believer in this phrase "Better engagements create better marriages, the better parents and this create a better society"

It is worth mentioning that I don ot write this as a coach, I do it as a youngster, I´ve had my experiences with relationships (I am not going to classify them as good or bad) however i had noticed these fail for 2 reasons : Idealization & Self-esteem.

"When we idealize someone, their virtues are positively exaggerated and we devalue ourselves to give them the power of perfection"

-Claudia Gutierrez Flores, PhD

Idealizing people is often seen in people with low self-esteem, minimizing their needs.

With that said, then we must work on our self-esteem (and the emotional intelligence) this exercise that can help:

Knowing your strengths

  • Ask to 5 of your friends. Why I am your friend?

  • Ask until they answer you with what is your value proposition in their lives, something like: You inspire me; Your motivate me; You teach me.

It is a process, learn with it (I've been there, you learn much more than you think about yourself and others.)

One o the hardest part of this process is to stop blaming yourself, thoughts like "I am guilty" "I am the problem" (at this stay I needed the help of a professional) but now i can say "I am this, it is fine" Now i love myself. Be your own cheerleader!

Of course it would be ideal for all people to work on themselves before trying a relationship, but that does not happen, and infidelity has even been normalized (20-25% of married peoples claim it to have had one; Podcast On Purpose, Jay Shelby)

My final advice is before you tell to someone you love them, be sure to love yourself, even if you are afraid of, jump to the life with fear, but jump. The fear is a powerful energy and will be with us forever.

(Even if you what you want is a tattoo... the pain is temporary, the drip is eternal)

This is a extensive topic, but it would be boring to read and tires for me to translate it (it was). BUT LET'S GO MY DEAR PEOPLE! <three

If your like it you can help me sharing with your friends, also if you want you can buy me a coffee