Head Hopping
This is something I see a lot of in both manuscripts I dev. edit as well as in published books. Is it the greatest crime in writing? No. But it is an issue for readers and something to be aware of.
What is head hopping?
It's a scene or chapter where the internal and external perspectives in narration bounce back and forth between more than one character.
When you watch a scene on screen, there are many factors that will let you know how a variety of characters are feeling or reacting, like music and who the camera is focused on and, of course, the actors' visual cues.
In a book, this can still happen, but how it's written makes a huge difference.
Let's say, for example, two women are meeting in a bar. They know each other from twenty years before.
Ella clutched the cold, sweating pint glass in her hand. Devon was still unbelievably hot. More hot, even, than she'd been in high school. She lifted the beer to her lips and took a giant swig, though it did nothing to alleviate her dry mouth.
"It's been a while, huh?" She managed, internally berating herself for sounding lamer than usual. Devon had always had that effect on her.
Devon wished she could run out of the bar. She'd come for some quiet, some space, and a gin and tonic or four. Instead, Ella Chambers was nursing a beer at the bar, looking pretty in the low lights.
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I hopped from Ella's point of view to Devon's with NO TRANSITION OR SEGUE.
Because it is third person, this is only uncomfortable for the reader. If I'd chosen first person, it would be a mental clusterfuck.
What would have been better would be sticking with Ella, so that instead of "Devon wished she could run out of the bar" it would go something like...
A look of panic skirted over Devon's soft features and Ella wondered just how much she'd stepped in. Her old friend--enemy?--appeared to be contemplating running. Not that Ella could blame her. People didn't come to bars alone for no reason. She wondered what was driving Devon that evening.
We can read a similar feel and understand that Devon is not exactly pleased to see Ella. The scene is still complete, but there isn't the jarring sensation of realizing, oh, you're supposed to be thinking in Devon's lens instead of Ella's.
What about you? Do you notice when you're writing or reading if there's head hopping? Does it bother you or not?
Is head hopping the next oxford comma!?