Erica Senecal
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Vulnerability? Yikes.

Vulnerability? Yikes.

Apr 25, 2021

Dear Friends,

I'm trying.

I'm trying to get back on the blogging track. I'm trying...more than it seems. 

Hmmm… 

That's a bit harsh. Maybe those words are more for me than you. Because I'm frustrated, even angry, with myself.

I haven't honored my word. I haven't kept to my schedule. I haven't written much of anything since the day I said I would be more consistent. 

Maybe you don't care--not that you're uncaring--more like: you're not angry or frustrated that I'm not posting regularly. 

Oh man...I wish I would accept myself as the mistake-maker and promise-breaker that I am. They make me human, after all.

So, there are some deeply personal things I long to share...more personal than ever because they're solely about me. Not the ex. Not the kids. Not my parents. Just me. It's hard to look yourself square in the eye and deal face-to-face with your pain. But I want to do that on this white page. It's hard to explain my exact meaning. I think we'll all understand better when the words get written and the post button is hit.

For what feels like forever, I've been grappling with how and when and how much to write. Grappling, I tell you.

If you've followed me for even a minute, then you know honesty and vulnerability are pivotal to me. If I'm hiding anything, I can't function. 

For months (years, really) I've been living with secrets about myself that I want to bring into the light. Nothing major. Just things that I believed were unacceptable. You've got your list too, I'm sure. And some will say I don't need to nor should I "wear my heart on my sleeve" or "let it all hang out." But I disagree. In fact, I'm planning an entire post on those two sayings and the detriment they are to me.

Fear and shame render us quiet. I'mtired of being quiet and submissive. I'm tired of living with my fears. I've lived in crippling fear. I know what it's like. Every time I've battled it, it takes a different form. I want to push past this current fear and shame to begin living a fuller life.

If I could get consistent honest, vulnerable thoughts and feelings onto the white page, then I'd stop being stuck. I'd live another of my purposes. And maybe more healing would come.

I don't want this platform to be a "how-to" because I'm no guru. I think it'd be better for me to share my heart and mind, to push past my fears and filters, to infiltrate your hearts and minds in the hope that we will feel a spark of connection on our journeys to healing. 

Yup.

That's what I want. 

How about you?

Peace, my Friends. 

♥️, Me, Erica Senecal 

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