Photo by Carolyn V on Unsplash
Thank you so much for supporting me as I continue the journey of sharing my story and bringing my book to life. I am excited to share this project with you as it unfolds. I am beyond honored to have your support!
On February 1st, 2017, I received a call from my daughter's school letting me know that they believed that she had been a victim of child abuse and that they were obligated to report the incident to the authorities. She had been at her dad's house the previous night when he violently attacked her.
The next 8 months were some of the most challenging of my life as I sought justice for my child while trying to fight a system that believes that every parent should have a right to be in their child's life, and that children are best off with access to both parents. While I generally agree with that sentiment, the exception should always be when either or both parents have wilfully put the child in danger.
Battling a malignant narcissist is no easy feat. It takes an incredible toll emotionally and financially. I watched as relationships disappeared and people who I thought would be allies take his side. I have been left to manage the fallout with my now teenage daughter all by myself, and there were many times when I believed I wasn't going to survive.
I still continue to battle the constant abuse from my co-parent, who is angry that he was held responsible for his actions. Nearly four years later, we are still waiting for him to complete the requirements placed on him by the civil court in order for him to see his child again. He continues to refuse, while also attempting to manipulate situations to get around the boundaries that have been so firmly placed.
Now that I've had some space from the events of 2017, I've begun talking to other victims of crime, specifically assault and abuse victims, and our experiences within the justice system are eerily similar. I was struck by how horrifying it was to know that we had all been subjected to a major violation in life and in the process of seeking justice,were further traumatized.
So about this time last year, I was inspired to write a book and tell my story in the hopes that we can recognize the justice system for what it is and how it's not working, and then make strides to change it.
We’ve been taught to believe that our justice system is set up to protect the innocent. It is supposed to protect people from being accused of crimes who are innocent, while also securing justice for victims of those crimes. But when you actually take a look at how the process is designed to work, the parties who generally benefit from the flawed design of our justice system are those who are guilty of the crimes they have been charged with—if they have the financial means to fight.
When our process is not designed to put the victims of a crime at the center, how can we ever expect it to benefit the people who have been hurt? And how can we expect the process not to further traumatize them?
I wish I had known just how traumatic this process would be when I started. If I had, however, I’m not sure if it would have fueled my fire or caused me not to fight so hard. I can’t say for sure. From the day I found out about what had been done to my daughter to the day that we finally secured a guilty plea, it was eight months and five days. Although every single day carried its own unique heaviness, it was the time that I spent in the courtroom that was the most challenging, the most surprising, and the most frustrating.
I had never felt so invisible in my life.