I was going to submit this to Be Open on Medium, my favourite for long rants and rambles, when I realized how long it had been since I'd meditated or done anything to pull myself out of this gloomy subconscious mindset.
I'm going to shower and chill for a bit. It's amazing how much opportunity I have, and ridiculous how easily I forget.
Please laugh at this, I think it will help.
It’s happening again.
I would love to shut down and quit everything right this instant, to disappear into nothingness and forget I’d ever written anything to begin with. It could be that simple.
But I won’t allow it.
You can skip my lamentations by clicking on one of many links on this screen.
Except that’s not why I’m here.
I’ll write about it for a short while, but then something else will find its way out of me, and that’s why I need to do this.
I need to be reminded of why I’m here, and there’s no better way of doing so than to let myself ramble until I get self-conscious, which will force me to disconnect from my personal experience, which will lead me to the part of my brain that actually works.
Wait, why didn’t I just activate that section in the first place?
OH yes, I remember — it’s this daily writing schedule consuming my soul.
What am I to do?
It’s not a terrible question, and we will answer it shortly.
I came back too soon.
That’s all it is.
I had an entire plan to complete several online programs before picking back up on my writing, which didn’t go down at all as it was supposed to.
Again, you really really really don’t need to be here right now.
I don’t personally have an issue with your presence, this article is monetized and everything, but if you’re here as support only, then we have an issue.
Are you upset by my words?
Great.
There I go again.
No, I understand if you’re only here to support me.
If you’ve read enough of my work, then you’re aware of my purpose in life, and you understand why I shouldn’t be allowed to give up.
And you understand how badly I want to.
He said, realizing this shouldn’t be published on Medium at all.
Photo by Hoach Le Dinh on Unsplash