This is a poem written by myself based on true events of my life. I hope you enjoy.

"Dear Mom"

I wake up in a puddle of sweat

I have nightmares of his hands in my bed

Its like Im drowning and its repeating in the back of my head

I thought I could get you to leave me alone

But 20 years old and still hates being alone when Im home

Because thats when the fears get the loudest

Opening up like this is a moment damn near my proudest

But these demons keep pushing me, I swear they're the foulest

These demons are dead with the body they were in

I was only eleven back then

I remember the house I grew up in

And how those demons would rattle that place

Id lay awake all night, just staring at the ceiling

Ive spent my whole life trying to run away from that feeling

That feeling of being hit

That feeling of being lost

That feeling of being sick when the lights turn off

That feeling of being depressed

That feeling of being anxious

That feeling of screaming to mom

Begging her to take this

Only to get hate and anger in return

Id lay in that bed crying and Id toss and Id turn

I still cry to this day

That house was never a home, there must be another way

I tried to love, but your hate still hasnt gone away

So forgive me if i fantasise you being gone one day

I left them behind, i regret it even today

But I will always be here because I know your ways

I am the fire now, but I started as just a spark

I am finally out of the fucking dark

Everyones coping with something, but wont admit it

They're all too afraid

Now these kids are glued to watching me, what do I say?

If Im honest with them maybe they wont think highly of me

But if I am silent, I am everything she wants me to be

I want them to know they’re not alone in their struggles

I wake up in tears and fall back asleep in these puddles

I hope they make it through this abuse they’re in

I hope they never have to feel that pain again

Terrified that all along, none have counted the days

And if they have the number must be astronomic

My life is her joke and she keeps reading

Pass the fucking comic

Because everything you think i am is far from the truth

I wish i could open up to you and just let loose

But my vocal cords get tight when you pull on this noose

And then im back to keeping everything bottled up inside

But shes not keeping me from pulling the throttle back this time

I cant get them out so now its time to announce this

Im telling my story and you cant stop me from yelling out like this

Im not going to be a slave to your words of hate, causing anxiety

Im shoving the hate back for every time that you beat down on me

And im taking my flame to these demons

Who whispered “whore” in my ear

And im ignoring every naysayer

Who stands by while shes near

Im breaking this cycle

Each step is a mile

Yes, I fell but i got right back up

I became the flame and lit myself up

Im setting fire to the past and im dousing your hate in gasoline

Look at you now, now youre not laughing at me

“I didnt need this shit tonight?”

What are you trying to be?

You were supposed to be my mom

I just wanted the love, but you were a lie to me

I was only fifteen years old and I cant take that back

I tried to end my life and you didnt care about that

You took me down but i bounced right back

I was lost, but now im found like that

And everything you told me i wasnt

Someone new told me i was

And everything you hated in me

Someone new taught me to love

And when you tried to kill me, with hate and anxiety

I broke free and placed hope deep inside of me

So i'm done listening to you and letting you control me

I'm announcing it now that my bloodline can't hold me

Ive walked away from the old me

And im demanding a refund on all the hate you sold me

I knew id find a way out sooner or later


I will never cater